Mark Morford: Bush Pardons Entire GOP

Prez “pre-emptively” saves all Repubs from becoming “prison bitches.” Dems: “Can he do that?”

Allegedly reacting to some sort of hallucinogenic fever dream following an overlong bubble bath during which he reportedly sputtered lots of motorboat noises and ate one too many purple crayons, President Bush today made the stunning yet somehow entirely understandable announcement that all Republicans in his administration are hereby officially excused from any and all crimes they have committed, are in the process of committing, are planning to commit, or even merely fantasize about committing while encased in sweaty latex bodysuits in any one of a number of GOP-friendly D.C. fetish dungeons.

“People! My people!” Bush shouted suddenly during an otherwise completely useless press conference, raising his arms over his head and tilting his head back and convulsing slightly, just as a nameless reporter finished asking a question about… oh like it even matters because we all know the answer would’ve been complete bulls— anyway so let’s just say, immigration policy reform.

Read Mark Morford’s Notes & Errata
Bush Pardons Entire GOP
by Mark Morford ~ ~ July 11, 2007

Leave a Comment

Skip to content