Gabi Clayton's Guestbook #57

Gabi Clayton's Guestbook #57 & other responses
From 5/20/05 to 6/12/13
Note: This reads from the bottom of the page up. Links to older responses can be found here.

Wednesday June 12, 2013

... the world will shine on.

Dear Gabi Clayton,

I am a Sophomore, almost Junior, at North Mason High School in Mason County. Last year at the 18th annual Kitsap Youth Rally for Human Rights, my schools Gay/Straight Alliance and I performed a monologue entitled All about Bill. It is a collection of words from people from your “Guestbook” but now we call them blogs. These people expressed their sorrow, pain, and feelings toward the death of Bill Clayton. I myself found this to be a powerful movement. Yesterday, June 5, my GSA ran through it for all the new members who did not see it last year and I was reminded how amazing it was. Your son’s story has not gone away from the world, I hope you know. In fact, a few weeks after the Rally, a Middle School asked my GSA to perform All about Bill to their Youth Suicide Prevention club. We went and it was amazing! They seemed so into it and it even inspired them to make a GSA of their own! Gabi, all I really wanted to say, was thank you, thank you so much. In early December, a very dear friend of mine named Kyle Clark killed himself and I felt like everything was falling about. Even now I can still see his smile and here his voice. You took something, Gabi, that is incredibly sad and you put it to good use. I believe that as long as there are people like you or me, the world will shine on. I just cannot thank you enough.

Sincerely,

Vice President of North Mason High School’s Gay/Straight Alliance

Robert Pugh

Tuesday February 20, 2007
Thanks for sharing Bill's life.

I know that nothing I say could make up for how it must feel. But I hope you know that Bill's strength is still empowering. Here's my life, to explain how his story helped me. Feel free to post it anywhere. And sorry ahead for the long boring paragraphs.

I am a 20 year old guy (funny how I still call myself a boy sometimes out of habit), and I have been through much. In the first 10 years of my life I was subjected to much more than a child should ever go through. I was abandoned by my parents, for a long period of time raped by an uncle, a pastor, a doctor, beaten for being bad at sports, for how different I looked, and picked on for being shy.

When I turned 10 I came to America to live with my mom. The happiness didn't last long, and in no time I was again beaten, hurt and humiliated by peers for being too sensitive. At 13-14 I was both shocked and broken when I finally realized that for some screwed up reason this universe works, not only did I have to live with the memories but I was attracted to men. Depression doesn't describe what I fell into, it was fear, terror or something else. My biggest fear wasn't being found out, but how long I could fake it. I completely messed up my high school years, I skipped classes to go into the woods and stare at the sky. Ironical how I was able to stare at one branch moving in the wind for over seven hours but I never seemed focused do my homework, and then when I was finally 15 I couldn't bear it anymore.

I had it all set up to kill myself, the knife, the time, everything, but I didn't count on the terrorists. It was September 11, 2001. I had been skipping school for several days, maybe weeks, almost getting caught several times. My mom asked how school was and I said, "fine". That of course alerted her since everyone in America was terrified. I, laying in the grass staring at the sky, was oblivious to it all. It all led to me seeing a therapist whom I finally told everything.

It took 2 years for me to really start trying in school again. (By now I was in something every parent should know about. I was in an "alternative school" which basically means that the government pays a bus every morning for me to go to a special school with 7 students for each 2 teachers, complete with fun activities, a personal therapist, and much much more. They're all over America, these therapeutic schools, for kids in special education, behavior problems, emotional and such.) And I finally told my parents what happened, specially about my uncle. I never thought they wouldn't believe me, my moms response was going on a vacation to see my uncle and aunt since she had been stressed lately. They all assume I'm either lying, or say I was too young and just think things happened...

I spiraled downwards again, reaching really low. My depression came back stronger than ever, like it never left at all, and I was heading down the slippery slope again. Out of curiosity I surfed online for suicide sites and came across Bill's life, and then other people who were or have been under pressure like me. I was mad, at hate's triumph over people, and his and their lives made me promise myself, that for pure defiance I would keep moving, and keep living. I made sure for these past few years that no matter how low I go or how much it all hurts, and God does it hurt, that even if I didn't get happier or better I would keep moving. That if I couldn't live for myself, I'd move on for others who tried, for those who still will and for everyone who doubted us.

I'm finally finishing up high school now, and am going to college so I can teach. I was surfing online tonight, feeling scared at the change in life I'll be going through in college, and at my odds of success, and I came across the site again out of pure luck. It reminded me again of what I had promised myself, and I felt I should share for all of us who find it hard to keep putting one foot ahead of the other. So thank you for sharing what must have been hard, and thank you Bill for enduring through what surely was.

With all my hopes and wishes,

Hygor Pontes

Wednesday, January 21, 2006
Name: James
Country: UK
Comments:
I am a gay guy in the UK browsing the net and just came across your website and particularly Bill's story and experiences. Excuse me writing this out of the blue, I'm not looking for any kind of counselling or attention. I just felt I wanted you to know how touched I was reading Bill's story and how my heart ached for his despair and his final choice. I do know how he felt as I have been at the same place from which he sadly didn't return. Luckily I did survive but I so easily could have left this place by now if it wasn't for my body just being able to cling on long enough. If I could just give you a brief description of my experience.... I was assaulted and held hostage (bound, gagged etc) by some people I thought were friends (they knew I was gay and an easy target as a person who easily trusted others) and as a result about two months after the experience I had a post traumatic breakdown and took a massive overdose while alone one weekend. I know how Bill felt and how maybe he felt he didn't want to deal with human beings anymore, which is what my brain was telling me on the night I thought my only option was to die and escape people. I was found having convulsions and was saved by the emergency room staff. I had two subsequent breakdowns with overdoses as the post traumatic memories were hard to live with, and also the deep betrayal by people I trusted. The people who did this to me were convicted and sentenced to prison. The reason for this message is not really to recount too much about myself though, but rather to let you know that someone on the other side of the Atlantic just read about your sons experience and cried for him. My experience happened to me three years after you lost your son, in 1998, I survived but I do know that it is a very difficult battle to get through post trauma stress and feeling victimized just for being a nice human being. A hug from me and my condolences.

You can add my email to your website if you think it might say something to anyone reading. The main message I would want to try and convey is that if a person can get through the periods of traumatic shock and devastation that there can be survival eventually and that death wont always seem like the only option.

I thought of Bill as I listened to this song and maybe you'll like it also. "Everyday Boy" by Joan Armatrading http://www.armatrading.co.uk/official_site/index.asp?m=lyrics&p=s&s=40

Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Name: Brad Puder
Country: United States
Comments:
This is truly very sad...I too wish there was less hatred towards people and their sexual orientation in the world. It's just WRONG.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Name: To Low
Country: Brazil
Comments:
Hi... I'm not from us...
I felt so terrible about your sun...
But I know he is fine now...
I guess I'm going to the same way...
Suddenly I start to feel so down..
I can't explain..
I just don't know what do...
I know know who am I suposse to count...

Monday, September 19, 2005
Name: Cathy Kemelmacher
Country: United States
Comments:
Just saw The Big Voice this afternoon. It was lovely to have a chance to hug you and Jim, and to thank you for the powerful experience you gave us, your audience, today. I'm definitely a fan for life, and beyond. Deepest thanks.

Monday, September 19, 2005
Name: Tyler Saini
Country: United States
Comments:
Dear GAbi,
REadinig bill story through mogenic.com i am deeply touched i am a 17 year old male and i identify myself as being gay. As I read his story and of his trials and tribulations I feel tears creeping down my cheeck. I see my self in bill and i see myself wanting to model him. Your son has and still does so much through his story to ensure that not only himself and others are able to freely express themselves.HIs honesty as a person , a man and a bisexual person is extremly strong and i will never forget him. YOu and your family must be proud to have had a most wonderful son.
Love,
Tyler Saini

Monday, September 19, 2005
Name: Calvin Nokes
Country: United States
Comments:
I ran across your Son's site.And my heart goes out to you and yours.Just to know this happened to your baby boy is enough.But I'm appalled about the lion club.I'm a 46yr old gay male and have struggled with my orientation all my life.I often feel like I'm going to hell.It's not easy going thru life ashamed of yourself.And feeling always that your doomed because I chose to love a man. But by not dealing with my truth about who I was. I just became an Alcoholic and Drug addict in therapy and on anti-depressants.But to this day my heart hurts because I grew up with alot of spiritual abuse.Much love to You and Your Family and may Bill forever," Rest In Peace"

Monday, September 19, 2005
Name: nero
Country: Russian Federation
Comments:
Thanks for the great concern demonstrated on your website.

Saturday, September 17, 2005
Name: Gerald Murphy
Country: United Kingdom
Comments:
Well I really come from Northern Ireland however I was very touched by Bill's story. I have tried to take my own life 5 times and have been in hospital here in Belfast twice totalling 14 weeks.
It's very hard to be gay (which I am) in a conflict ridden society. Keep up the great work on the website. And I hope that I will get over my depression as at the moment things are just so hard.
Best of Irish Luck to you all,
Regards,
Gerald Murphy

Saturday, September 17, 2005
Name: Robby
Country: Australia
Comments:
Love and hope is what you offer. Love and hope is what helps to heal and protect. The support of those that understand (like yourself) will save many. Thank you.

Thursday, September 15, 2005
Name: Kiley
Country: United States
Comments:
This was such a sad story. I admire you so much for putting such an amazing page together and for fighting for him in his memory. email me and i'll talk more with you to let you know exactly how i can truly relate. (I am lesbian) i hope to hear from you Gabi.
thanks

Thursday, September 15, 2005
Name: Joe Dietz
Country: United States
Comments:
well i read ur son's story twice in the past yr and well after i read it for the first time in the begining of the month and that week i saw it all happen for real..a friend killed himself and it was all because he couldnt deal with the stress of being bi. well now i am still sad because of this and so i came back to your sons story....i can only hope that this dosnt happen to me for where i come from being bi is a sin and a deadly thing to be but thank u vary much

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Name: Danielle Fehrenbach
Country: United States
Comments:
I'm sorry for your loss. It really makes me think how many judgemental and horrible people there are in this world.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Name: Samantha Burgess
Country: United States
Comments:
I heard about Bill from my boyfriend Gabe Connon. He talked about all the time. I came apon your website and read your story about Bill. I myself am bisexual. I have always been looked at as being weird. My friends always thought i was going to hit on them. I moved to olympia when i turned 18. I have never been happier. I am 24 now. People in olympia, for the most part, seem to accept me. I know that if it was not for people like Bill, that this would not be possible.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Name: John E. Zimmer
Country: United States
Comments:
Gabi, I just found your website for your son, Bill. Though it is now ten years gone by, I know the sadness and pain are still felt. My heart goes out to you and your family and you will be ever in my prayers from this day forward.
I will think of Bill daily and say prayers for him, I know he is in a better place now, without hatred and pain, but he belongs here, with his family and friends who love him and miss him.
I have this image in my mind of what the first moment in Paradise, or by whatever name Bill may have called it, will be like. Time has no meaning there, so when next you see your son it will be as if no time has passed between the time of his passing and your's. (Please don't think me morbid, to write this way.)
God bless you all and especially Bill! Thanks for the site and sharing Bill's story.

Monday, September 12, 2005
Name: Nicole
Country: United States
Comments:
This site has given me new thoughts of coping with my depression. I hope it helps with ohters as well as it helped me. Thanks so much for sharing this story all over the world. It must be so hard for you guys. i give my sympathy to you as well as giving other people with the disease my knowledge and strategies for coping.
love,
nicole

Sunday, September 11, 2005
Name: Emily
Country: United States
Comments:
My name is Emily, and I am thirteen years old. I realise that it is in fact ten years later than the publishing date of this story. In 1995, I was only three years old, and would not have been old enough to understand the hatred and hurt towards gay/bisexual/lesbian peoples through their peers. Now that I am old enough to understand, I do fully, because I myself happen to be bisexual. I came out of the closet about it to my best friend, thinking that she would understand that I did not choose to be, and I was not forced to be, it just happened. She pretended she did for a while, and then told me that she in fact did not. She decided that, since I was a bisexual, she could just dump me and leave me alone. She told her friends, who told their friends, which got everyone in the school to stop talking to me. This left me alone, except for one boy who did understand that it was not a choice. He was sixteen years old, and lived in Ontario, Canada. I live in the panhandle of Texas. I felt as if I could talk to him about anything. We dated over the internet for eleven months. I could tell him anything, and every time, he would talk me out of committing suicide, or running away from home. Reading your sons story, I believe that if he had had someone to talk to about his suicidal tendancies as I did, he could possibly still be here to this day. And I wish, for you and your family, that he was. This story only inspires me more to hang on, not just for myself, but for the memory of your son, and the other bisexuals of this world who have taken their own lives, to show them that the gay community will someday rise against the hatred of the heterosexuals. I believe, religiously, that they are wrong to hate us. God says to keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. He also says to love your neighbors. What I do not understand is, if God-loving people can accept satanist, and try to bring them to Christ... Why can they not accept the gays as well?

Thursday, September 08, 2005
Name: Jamal C Pennie
Location: United Kingdom
Comments: Hello, my name is jamal and a friend of mine died from suicide and made me realize...I really was no different from he was. I decided to create a site of emotional poetry that i wrote over the years and still continue to write it's www.THEFATALENDEAVOR.com It took the death of another to make me realize that I needed to speak up about my thoughts and what i feel, and so I decided to create this site so that others like me could realize they are never alone and they are special in every way!

Thursday, September 08, 2005
Name: Chris Iacobucci
Location: Canada
Comments: Bill was right when he wrote "This is not my choice, this is not forced upon me, this just is!!!" May God be with you always. Your son sounds like an upstanding person and the world will be missed by his absence.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Name: Bill M
Location: United States
Comments: I'm a straight guy who just happened to find this page as I know another Bill Clayton. But the story that was written here will leave an impression that hopefully will make me a better person.
I'm 55 years old, and I'm sure in my youth I could have been one of the vocal loud mouth punks picking on Bill.Back thenI never would have given it a second thought. Thank you

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Name: jake
Location: United States
Comments: Gabi,
I have signed this once before, but I just wanted to let you know that your son's story has helped inspire many of my friends. It has encouraged many who were scared about coming out, and it has opened the eyes of a lot of people, including my parents. I am glad that there are people like you in this world, and I hope that nothing stops you from continuing your work. I wish you the best of luck in the future.
-Jake

Sunday, September 04, 2005
Name: Angela Bey
Location: United States
Comments: As a transgender person who has experienced the Christian-inspired hate my heart goes out to Bill's family.

Monday, August 29, 2005
Name: Eddie Eady
Location: United Kingdom
Comments: I was so touched by reading your son's story. I'm so sorry for your loss. Bill seemed to be a man who stood up for what he was and be true to himself. I feel a great deal of pitty for those small minded people that feel they have the right to discriminate; and hope that such people live and learn from reading your website.
he was such a wonderful man and human being. All the rude people out there should be punished what they did to your son Bill. Your site is excellent I still didn't finish reading the whole site yet. You are a excellent mom and I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. May he rest in peace

Sunday, August 28, 2005
Name: David
Location: United States
Comments: The story of Bill has certainly touched me. I myself am homosexual, but I cannot be open about it lest the same horrific event happen to me as it did Bill. Without giving away my position I do my best to bring logic and rationality and compassion to the minds of the individuals whose minds have been devoured by hatred and intolerance.
Sincerely,
David

Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Name: Thomas
Location: None Given
Comments: "What we remember from childhood we remember forever - permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen." ~ Cynthia Ozick

Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Name: Isaiah
Location: None Given
Comments: "Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door." ~ Saul Bellow

Monday, August 22, 2005
Name: Ed Boyle
Location: United States
Comments: Dear Gabi, You know me as a PFLAG parent.I got your web page from your email on 7/30/05.I'm sorry I didn't read Bill's story before.I've made a copy to educate the public about hate.
The following is a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King.
"WE will have to repent in this generation, not merely for the words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people."

SPEAKING THE TRUTH
YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SILENT!
YOU HAVE RAISED YOUR VOICE
AND
YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE!
Dee and I feel your pain as we lost our youngest son 14 years ago. It never goes away.With love and respect Dee & Ed.

Monday, August 22, 2005
Name: Igor
Location: United States
Comments: That is horrible.
What happened to him was horrible.
I am very sorry to hear that such hate exists in this world. I am also very sorry what happened to him.
May he rest in peace.
God bless you.
Sincerely,
Igor

Sunday, August 21, 2005
Name: Derik England
Location: United States
Comments: This story has touched me so much. As a gay male teenager i know what he was going through I myself have tried to kill myself. I know the pain he felt and I also was raped, I was in the sixth grade and i have been beaten by people that hated me because I am gay. I want to join you in your fight against hate crimes and gay bashing. I am not 18 yet but as soon as I do you can count on me to be there whenever you need me and whenever you have meetings. I will never forget the story I just read. I never met you son but I feel as if I know him by reading this story because I have went and am going through what he went through and I feel as if he is with me right now helping me along. He truly is an inspiration to me. Thank you for posting his story it really has touched and inspired me to do more. We do need to stop the secrecy for that is where the hate grows. Thank you for you time.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Name: J Allen
Location: United States
Comments: My daughter is bisexual. I appreciate your effort to fight hate with love. It may be the only way to really reach people. There are no words to help you with the loss of your son, but I praay that in helping others you will continue to heal.
Thank you

Monday, August 15, 2005
Name: Olivia W.
Location: United States
Comments: I myself am bisexual, which has only added to my determination to end homophobia. I thank you for speaking out, because every story I hear gives me more reason to press on in fighting all of the hate. I'm deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope you are doing okay.

Saturday, August 13, 2005
Name: Leesa
Location: United States
Comments: Gabi,
I found the story of Bill while doing some research and listening to other people on these issues. My curiosity was peaked as I have watched my church rip its' self apart over the issues of sexuality. I am not often moved to comment because I would rather listen. I want to tell you that I am so very sorry for your pain and I am sorry that you have had this horrific experience that time will only blunt by smoothing edges. I am so sorry that we as a society have lost Bill. I have great hope that this will not continue in our or any other society --- it must not if we expect to grow beyond what we are now. You have surely done a great thing for all by telling Bill's story. Thank you for the gift.

Friday, August 12, 2005
Name: Lars
Location: United States
Comments: Gabi, please accept my sincerest condolences on the loss of your son.
I know it has been a very long time since his death but I am just now finding out about it through the Internet. It is no less painful learning of it now, believe me.
and
Even though I have never met your son, I will carry his memory for as long as I live for I was in that very same position once when I was his age

Friday, August 12, 2005
Name: Jason Smith
Location: United States
Comments: God Bless Bill and Gabi.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Name: Will
Location: United States
Comments: First of all I would like to offer my deepest sympathy, condolences and support. I'm a 28 yo gay male and I live in Upstate N.Y. As I read this I felt many emotions. Sadness, anger and pride among them. Sadness for everyone envolved. Anger to those envolved leading to the unfortunate event. However I have pride in you for taking on this project of not only letting Bill's name and heart live on but for trying to help others who are in the position which he was in. I am a former President of our local Lambda society, and if I was still President I would most certainly tell people this story. You have got me to think in a way that I had never thought before. I wish you and your family the best of luck in the future. Thank you!!!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Name: Debbie Stewart
Location: Canada
Comments: I hope that one day there will no longer be a thing called hate crimes people need to take a look around there is enough with wars. It's time to learn to love again. Sorry for your pain and loss of your son.

Monday, August 01, 2005
Name: ME
Location: Australia
Comments: DEATH TO ALL FAGS BILLY IS BURNING IN HELL WITH FREDY . FAGS SUCK ITS UNNATURAL...
Q: YOU KNOW WHAT GAY STANDS FOR?
A:GOT AIDS YET?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!
FUCK U BITCH

Friday, July 29, 2005
Name: James Edward DeHart
Location: United States
Comments: Love exhists in all forms and some of the most important is that from strangers. To Bills Family I send my love and respect, It is people like you who make the world a better place. My heart is with you all!

Thursday, July 28, 2005
Name: Benedict
Location: United Kingdom
Comments: What would you say if I told you that we simply need to realize to bully friends. Does the responsibility lie with Memes, you ask. Fair enough. The answer is here. Right here. When the war raged I had a house nearby the woods. Well well, you may say. So that\\\'s that. Yeah, but it wasn\\\'t at all your typical mood swing or anything. I saw an image of the police.

Thursday, July 28, 2005
Name: Gatlinburg Real Estate
Location: United States
Comments: What great courage Bill had and you too. God Bless You

Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Name: Jen
Location: United States
Comments: Gabi, your son was a beautiful man...I'm sure he radiates even more so in Heaven. Thank you for sharing his story.

Monday, July 25, 2005
Name: James Gerlach
Location: United States
Comments: It is so... Man. I'm lost for words. I can't even begin to say that I know how you feel. But I believe I have some idea. Being in love with a bisexual woman, I am firmly against gay bashing and hatred against homosexuals or bisexuals. I think it is awesome that you made this memorial to his honor. I will never forget his story, it has touched me deeply.

Friday, July 22, 2005
Name: Mel
Location: United States
Comments: I hope you find some peace. I'm sorry for your loss.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Name: Halie Marie
Location: United States
Comments: I found a link to Bill's story though a friend. And just reading his story made me love him as a person without knowing him at all. I am sorry for all the hurt he went through and I wish the world could be more open minded. Bill's one of those people that the world needs more of.

Monday, July 18, 2005
Name: ted
Location: United States
Comments: My heart goes out to you. Reading your story brought back some unpleasant memories of depression I had when I came out as a teenager in the 50s. I am now 64. I felt so alone then. I really didn't understand what my feelings meant. I hid it from everyone for years because I was afraid of backlash. I thought of suicide. Fortunately, I worked my way through it, but the stigma still leaves its mark on me. I am often sad. I hope you take some solace from the fact that it's a very difficult thing and we don't all make it through.

Monday, July 18, 2005
Name: Sheila Easley
Location: United States
Comments: God Bless You. I know it was hard for you to write Bill's story. But maybe it was a healing process for you also.

Saturday, July 16, 2005
Name: Viktor
Location: Sweden
Comments: I am happy for that i found this isite, i have been deeply sad for the last 7 years of my life.The reason why is that i have zero recognition, love, support or understanding from my dad.
He sees me as constant failure, always has .
I remeber when i was a kid and i would fall and accidentally hurt myself when bicycling, he would just laugh at me..
Not caring at all whatsoever.
My mom died when i was only a few years old, and when i used to cry as a kid for various reasons, he would just tell me to shut up, and go to my room.
having no one to rely on was difficult, it made me grow up fast, people has ever since i was 3 years old told me that i'm a very mature and smart person with great potential..by that time i knew 2 languages fluently allready.
Now 2 schollarships later (age of 17), i expect atleast SOME recognition from my dad or atleast a positive comment about the succes, he just mumbles about how he wants to go to england with the use of those money, when i clearly had to agree with the school council that all of the money would be used in educationally related purposes.
When i said no to him(in the name of the letter).
he just hated me even more, he still thinks i'm stupid.
I have never done anything to deserve this, he just thinks that people that don't talk to him are stupid.
I have a really great reason NOT to talk to him-->he always starts throwing curse words, because he can't handle the fact of being wrong, accepting the fact that he is a bad loser.
Lately after that i told him i wanted a break from his constant naggin ( i had only had 5 hrs of sleep during a 3 day period) he has threatened to disown me,, to kick me out on the street.
I feel so unwellcome, so homeless.
The thing is, i'm not a hard person to live with at all, i've earned my moms synestezia and her great sence for psychology (she was a multi specialized psychologist).
I KNOW what hurts and helps people.

Saturday, July 16, 2005
Name: Kevin J. Park
Location: United States
Comments: it seems likeevery day their is another life taken away by the cause of hate, i regret that i live in such a world that see's this go on but wont do anything to stop it.
i am deeply sorry for the lose of bill, i as a victim of a few hate crimes and a bi polar person, i have a good understanding of what it must have been like for bill.
if theirs anything i can do. please dont hesitate to write to me.
Dreams10278@yahoo.com
Kevin J. Park
Gay-Straight Alliance network
Gay Activist
North Hollywood, California

Monday, July 11, 2005
Name: Trevor
Location: United States
Comments: Life will challenge us and we must get stronger to meet the challenges it offers. I got tough, I learned to survive and now I seek to help others survive. Bill was my brother, not by blood but by an alternitive family connection. I have gratitude for what Bill did for our family and what so many others have done. Gabi, thank you.

Friday, July 08, 2005
Name:
Location: United States
Comments: My heart went out to you as I read your story about your son. It's hard to know what to say other than " God Bless You"

Thursday, July 07, 2005
Name: Eric G
Location: United States
Comments: First I'd like to express my dismay at how some are treating your guestbook. Second I'd like express my condolences for the death of your son. Like so many gay youth, and at a time myself in the distant past, thoughts of suicide become a possible alternative to the hate that is frequently espoused by those who take a moral high ground and say our lifestyles are less worthwhile than theirs. Any educated person knows differently. I picked up your link from a author on www.nifty.org whose link back to gay authors. His story like your son's should better empower gay, lesbian and transgendered youth in know that there is an entire world out there for them, non hating, non-judgemental and well within the perceived mainstream of their peers and friends. I hope that the message(s) of your son and of your site helps save at least one other teen in their time of stress and discontentment. I think your son's story should be able to help others and at the same time serve as one of Mr. Bush Sr. Thousand Points of Light in a seemingly endless darkess our current Mr. Bush (Jr) has led us into. Best wishes and again my heartfelt condolences.

Thursday, July 07, 2005
Name: angelique
Location: United States
Comments: Hi My name is angelique but you can call me angel. I just wanted to say that Im sorry for what happen to your son I bet he was a great kid I know he was. I mean I know how it is with kids you know 1st you think their okay but then when you find them dead because of a suicide you then find out how much it hurt him to be picked on and teased. He was a great kid i know he was and i would have loved to known him He was handsome and thats all i really know about him but besides that i would have loved for him to be my friend. Well i just wanted you guys to know that.
Love Always
Angelique
My email is cuteypie541@yahoo.com

Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Name: Nick
Location: United States
Comments: I am so sorry about the loss of your son.....I couldn't imagine the pain you were or are going through because I am a 14 year old gay....not a parent....still I am very sorry and I cried when I read your story....You are in my Prayers.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Name: Robin Perez
Location: United States
Comments: Gabi, You are a angel sent from above all that you do for the gay community is much appreciated. I'm so sorry about your loss of your son and I know in my heart that he's safe where he's at now. May God have mercery on those who put such awful hate towards us in the gay community. However you Gabi our one of a kind and I thank God for you and your family and those who fight for what life is really about and thats love..May God be with you and family and May he watch over us all....Sincerly Robin.P

Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Name: cheryl robbins
Location: United States
Comments: Thank you for sharing your tragic story. As a therapist specializing in child sexual abuse, as a mother, and as a very old friend and neighbor of
Alec's, my heart is broken for you.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Name: lore
Location: United States
Comments: as a mother of 3 this was heart wrenching. best of luck to your family and god bless you

Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Name: Jimmy Jimenez
Location: United States
Comments: I am so very sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family. If anything good can come from such a horrible tragedy, I hope, is that people can learn about the intolerance of others and try to change the hateful predisposition that still to this day lingers on in America. Thank you for fighting the good fight!
- jimmy

Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Name: Kelsey
Location: United States
Comments: Wow I'm only 12 years old..and I'm shocked that people can be so cruel. I am terribly sorry about your loss, and I'm sorry that Bill felt that he couldn't take life anymore. If only people would realize that everyone is the same no matter what their religion, color, sexual oriantation, and disabilty. Bill will never be forgotten!

Monday, June 27, 2005
Name: AMY YESALAVICH
Location: United States
Comments: I HOPE YOU CONTINUE FINDING STRENGTH THRU SUCH A GREAT LOSS AND APPLAUD YOUR EFFORTS ON SHARING THE EXPERIENCE TO BRING CHANGE. GOOD LUCK

Sunday, June 26, 2005
Name: Damion Rinaldi
Location: United States
Comments: He will never be forgotten......EVER

Friday, June 24, 2005
Name: Diane Mancini
Location: United States
Comments: WOW - Thank you Bill... You may have only been with us for a short time, but your legacy will live on forever. Your soul chose that life to heal some of the hatred in this world. Every soul has path and purpose in order to evolve and every soul has to answer to its karma... You my friend touched more souls than you can imagine..you exposed the weak and undoubtedly forced them to face their cowardice. You may have been physically harmed, but those wounds are nothing compared to the torment your attackers(whether verbally or physically)will have to endure, by answering to their own soul... Your death did not happen in vain.. these people should thank you every day for helping them with their soul growth. They may not know your impact on them in this life, but believe me, these souls will have to answer to their actions and you have given them a gift by starting their healing process. Keep an eye on us Bill, and shove us back on the path when stumble off.

Friday, June 24, 2005
Name: Betty Foppe
Location: Netherlands
Comments: Came to read Bill's story. My deepest sympathy.

Thursday, June 23, 2005
Name: Laetitia
Location: France
Comments: It's a beautiful and sad story...
L'homme a peur de ce qui sort de la norme et pourtant il faut de tout pour faire un monde.Tant qu'il voudra pas le comprendre cette hain,e continuera. C' est pour sa qu'ils y a des gens comme vous qui se battent pour une choses qui doit changer.
Il faut accepter les differences car c'est pas nous qui les avons choisi c'est comme sa.
Dieu nous aime telle qu'on est pourquoi pas les etres humains ne peuvent ils tous s'aimé sans se juger.
I am all hearts with you.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Name: Denise M. Harper
Location: United States
Comments: I'm very sorry about your son. I can imagine what you must have gone through. From coming out to his death. I came across your story looking for my daughter who just suddenly walked out of my life years ago without a word. Yes we've had our dysfunktional family. I've made some major mistakes I can not go back and change while she was growing up. I thought we were working on a mother and daughter relationship when she just went like the wind. No call,no letter. I called people who I had numbers to but no seen her left messages but no call back. Her phone was disconnected. I pray to God each night she is okey. I also ask God just to hear her sweet voice say "Hi Mom I'm doing good in my life." I think that she is hiding [in so many words] from me what I already suspect. I did track down her phone mumber left her a message to call me. I got an anger filled letter from her instead. Pointing fingers at how I need to change my life, my life has changed for the most part. My husband and I had a rocky start, we are doing good now. I am getting my 6 year chip soon of being alcohol free and drug free, he just got his 1 year chip. I go to church every Sunday {not that I'm a holy roller] and sing in our little choir. I'm sure by now you wonder why I'm telling you all this, she has also responded to you. I found her name in your guest book. I'm a straight parent who loves her daughter and WILL ACCEPT HER FOR WHO SHE IS UNCONDITIONALLY. NO DRAMA ALL THE WAY AROUND. And as you know that only God makes judgements, it is not up to us to judge people for their past [it is gone],present [people do and can change] and future [it is not ours yet].

Friday, June 17, 2005
Name: Jaime Carmona
Location: United States
Comments: Hello everyone I am just looking for someone to talk to. I am a gay 16 year old. So if you would like to talk hit me up. I am looking for friends, dating and everything else.

Friday, June 17, 2005
Name: Kelly
Location: United States
Comments: That is horrible.
What happened to him was horrible.
I am very sorry to hear that such hate exists in this world. I am also very sorry what happened to him.
May he rest in peace.
God bless you.
Love,
Kelly
xoxoxo

Friday, June 17, 2005
Name: Megan
Location: United States
Comments: hi. i just want to say i lost my mom when i was 6 years old. It is very hard. now i dont understand how hard it is for you to be grieving over your son's death. But i do know that you are helping others weather it is from losing a loved one or someone facing the same hatred that your son unfortantetly had to face. i also tried to overdoes on pills and i am so thankfull it didnt work. but i can tell you he didnt want to die. he didnt want to leave you. and he did know his friends and family loved him. he just didnt want the pain anymore and he didnt know what to do. the cousleing didnt help and he thought nothing eles could. its supposed to help right. not most of the time or only for a little while. see my point in writting all this is so you know everyone has to go threw things and now its your turn to go threw losing your son. Be stronge and keep holding on to the good memories. memories are what keep people alive. alive in your hearts and alive in your minds. no one will forget who he was even by reading this story it will be talked about and it will always be with us. just like he will always be with you, all you have to do is remember. just please keep being the good people you seem to be. dont let anyone take that away.

Thursday, June 16, 2005
Name: morgan
Location: United States
Comments: I found your website about your son Bill influencing. I'm a transgender youth and I try my best to be strong and open about my true self. Your son was very strong and I admire him for that. But I'm truly sorry that he was beaten just because he was bisexual. I want to use this website to teach my friends about homophobia and hate. Thank you for making this.

Thursday, June 16, 2005
Name: tina
Location: United States
Comments: Bill's story has touched me so deeply, that i am overwhelmed with emtion. i am a 32 year old lesbian who to this day struggles with hatred, not only in society but within my own family. i keep saying that i was put on this earth to change my family's views. after a recent visit i had just about given up on them, but after reading about Bill's life and struggles i am energized to make them listen to make anyone who knows me listen. we can not be quite and hidden.
in the last year i have started creating mixed media art that expresses my struggle with how the world treats queer humans. i am in the process of creating a piece called "50 states of shame" and i would like to include Bill's story as one of the pieces. he will live on in my thoughts and prayers and his story will live on forever and hopefully will pave the way to tolerance in the world.
thank you for sharing Bill's story.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Name: Gabi
Location: United States
Comments: Hi, my name is Gabi, I am also bisexual. Although I'm not quite out with all of my friends and family yet, I know how it feels. This site brought me to tears. The fact that there is so much hatred in this world is unbelievable. I'm so sorry that people are so incredibly ignorant. No one deserves what happened to your son. I greatly admire you for creating this site; for spreading the word. There is too much hate in this world and you're helping to stop it. There must be less tragic stories and more success stories, and you are definitely helping to do that. All of my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Name: Michelle
Location: United States
Comments: This was an amazing story. I constantly keep getting shocked at how ignorant people can be.
You are incredibly strong and I admire you tremendously for writing this story which must have been so hard to write. I thank you for doing it.
I hope, wish, and pray that hatred will soon end. Especially towards a person's sexuality.Nobody deserves it.
Good luck on spreading the word more than it has.
My condolences.
Michelle.

Monday, June 13, 2005
Name: Katelyn Warmann
Location: United States
Comments: hi, My name is Katelyn Warmann and I'm only 13 but I read your son's story... I'm so sorry and I share your pain kinda sorta. My Uncle comitted suicide when his mom, my grandma, died. Not everyone has coped having lost 2 major people in our lives at once. I also want you to know that my family does not sepparate gay's, lesbians, bisexuals, etc... from the rest of the world because we have family friends that are some of the above. We treat and think of them as regular people and that's what I'v always thought of them as... I keep you in my prayers. Love truly, Katleyn Warmann.

Monday, June 13, 2005
Name: John
Location: United States
Comments: I'm a gay teen (welp 12 soon 2 be 13) and reading this realy made me sad and you, and your family will always be in my prayers...
God Bless ....
John

Sunday, June 12, 2005
Name: angela
Location: United States
Comments: I am so sad to read this story-the loss that you suffered due to ignorance-you are in my thoughts for eternity

Saturday, June 11, 2005
Name: Tyler
Location: Australia
Comments: i dont know what to say other than that i read your emotional story less than 10 minutes ago, and am in tears, i was touched by the way you speak of your son, it truly is heartwarming, i admire your family's courage and determination to fulfill the work that you and your son began.

Thursday, June 09, 2005
Name: John Williams
Location: United States
Comments: What a wonderful tribute to your son. I thank you for your strength and conviction as I feel you stand for us all. How beautiful your son was inside and out and he truly deserves to be remembered for his bravery. If only for a short time, a gift was given to you and we all are blessed by the way you took care of that gift.

Sunday, June 05, 2005
Name: luc quintyn
Location: Belgium
Comments: Na 10 jaar, bedankt voor de zoon, de mens, het levensverhaal, de vriend Bill.
Après 10 ans, merci pour le fils, l'être humain, l'histoire de sa vie, l'ami Bill.
10 years after, thanks for the son, the human, the story of his life, the friend Bill.
luc

Saturday, June 04, 2005
Name: Scott
Location: United States
Comments: Hello Gabi,
I hope and pray that people continue to learn from what happened to your beloved son. Losing Bill could have torn your family apart, but instead it has brought you even closer.
Hold onto your memories of Bill and please know that his death was not in vain.
Kindest Regards,
Scott (formerly of the Massachusetts Governor's Task Force on Hate Crimes)

Thursday, June 02, 2005
Name: Clayton Marshall
Location: United States
Comments: hey thank you for letting me read this story it was inspiring and a very good read i hope that his family get the justice and knowlegde of knowing that they had a impact on alot of peoples life Please don't give up hope cause remeber
i told god to bless you
when i prayed for you
today
to guide you and protect
you
as you go along your way
he's love is always with
you
And his promisies are
true
And when we give him all
are care he will see us
through
So when the road you're
seems diffucult at best
remember i'm here
praying and god will do
the rest

Thursday, June 02, 2005
Name: Mick Holmes
Location: United Kingdom
Comments: what a lovely person Bill was, i wish i had known him

Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Name: stephanie
Location: Canada
Comments: Dear Gabi,
I was so touched by reading your son's Bill story. I'm so sorry for your loss he was such a wonderful man and human being. All the rude people out there should be punished what they did to your son Bill. Your site is excellent I still didn't finish reading the whole site yet. You are a excellent mom and I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. May he rest in peace.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Name: Jason Mcreynolds
Location: United States
Comments: i hope you dont mind if i use some of this stuff you have on a project, i am a gay student, doing a project on mathew shepard and now i will be 2 one on matt another on your son. i am 22 yrs and i have not cryed like i have the past few days doing research on these 2 boys. i will let you know how my projects go, i hope i can put something together for the whole school to see

Friday, May 27, 2005
Name: James Kankula
Location: United States
Comments: Gabi,
Thank you so much for posting "Bill's Story" on this site. I am 39 years old now and clearly remember how I thought frequently of taking my life as a teenager. I cried as I read your story because everything that Bill feared is real in our world today. I work for a large conservative bank in the South. One part of my job is to facilitate workshops that focus on understanding differences in the world and workplace. Our company focuses on race, gender and sexual orientation in our workshops. As an out gay man I have stopped being surprised by the arrogance and ignorance of participants in our workshops. When I tell my story it is discounted as an abberation. "That was just you...it has nothing to do with how lesbians, bisexuals and gay men are treated." Lately I have become so tired of doing diversity work because it seems so futile. Just yesterday I sat and listened to our CEO tell a group of employees that it is just too risky to be too involved in sexual orientation issues. I've been depressed since hearing that. And then today I read Bill's Story and knew that I have to keep trying. I have to keep facing our world and using my voice to make even the slightest change so that the thousands of bisexual, gay and lesbian kids out there can have some hope. You, your family and Bill are making a difference.

Friday, May 27, 2005
Name: Megan
Location: United States
Comments: Gabi, I am so sorry for your loss. This site is beautiful and truly inspiring. When I was reading all the comments people had left on the guestbooks I was floored by the love and support people have to offer. It's such a tragedy that Bill had to suffer at the hands of such monsters while there are such good people in this world. What a wonderful legacy...to be the basis of a forum where people come to talk of love and hope of a more enlightened day. Your work here is truly amazing.

Thursday, May 26, 2005
Name: Nicole
Location: United States
Comments: I'm very sorry about your son. Reading the letters and the story, it makes me very angy that there are people out there that are like that, so homophobic. I'm doing a paper on suicide, and the causes. I've gotten a lot of information, most of it saying that a lot of suicide or suicide attempts are caused because of homosexuality. People shouldn't discriminate, nobody is perfect, but as long as they are happy. Pursuit of happiness goes for everyone, not just those who have money, or those who are married (husband and wife). Everyone gets to be happy, as long as it doesn't interfere on others happiness. Your son didn't seem to do anything wrong to anyone. But I'm getting even more angry thinking about it. I am very sorry about your son. He seemed like a VERY cool person.

Thursday, May 26, 2005
Name: Aris
Location: United States
Comments: Hi, I am Emily (your niece's) best friend and I thought I'd say hi.

Thursday, May 26, 2005
Name: Ryan Smith
Location: United States
Comments: I am so sorry

Monday, May 23, 2005
Name: Katie D. Kieft
Location: United States
Comments: I would like you to know that every year the seniors have to do a final senior project concerning a controversial issue, with a promotional package, and sales pitch and information. I am doing gay rights and specifically gay marriage. I would like you to know that I am using your sons story to try and make people more knowledgedable of the ways of our society. I am not homosexual or bi, but i feel regardless of race, sexuality or color, everone is equal and deserves equal rights. Your sons story is amazing and I am so sorry for you loss. I just want you to know there are people out there that his story touches and I am going to use his story as part of my "awareness" speech. Thank you so much for sharing this story with everyone! Hope is not lost. Some day we will look at eachother and see only friends and not labels! All my love,
Katie D. Kieft

Sunday, May 22, 2005
Name: Connie Cluck
Location: United States
Comments: I was touched by your sons story. I myself am openly bisexual and am currently part of a Gay-Straight Alliance in my high school. I and many of my friends have been exposed to that very same hate that took Bill away from this world. Many of my gay friends have been forced to drop out of highschool due to the amount of discrimination. I hope that one day we won't have to live in a world where we have to live in fear. I want you to know that you have other supporters in WA and we are trying to make a difference. Send my love to Bill, I hope that he is in peace now.

Saturday, May 21, 2005
Name: Tamika
Location: Australia
Comments: I am so sorry for your loss. I am a 16 year old girl from a small conurty town, and even though i will never be able to feel the same amount of grief and loss as Bills family and friends did i do understand that being yourself is a very hard thing to do and people oftern never really accept you for you, thats the way it is. My friends and i are diferent to all the girls in our home town. We like to go camping and fishing with all the boys unlike getting drunk and sleeping around like all the other girls in our town. Because we choose to be different we are hated. Its not fair. I think this world needs to wake up and let everyone be free and happy to be you they are.
Its such a shame that this young boy gave his life. I never knew Bill, never will know any of his friends or family but belive me i would give all my possessions to bring him back to his loved ones.

Friday, May 20, 2005 10:59
Name: Gabi
Location: United States
Comments: This new guestbook was started on 5/20/05. Links to pages with all the past responses to Bill's story are here.
Thank you so much for signing my guestbook.
Love, Gabi