Gabi Clayton's Guestbook #37 - From 5/20/02 to 6/23/02 Note: This guestbook reads from the bottom of the page up. -- Gabi   Sunday 06/23/2002 10:55:33pm Name: Dee E-Mail: pluto1955@hotmail.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Iowa Comments: You have my deapest sympathy. I can not imagine anything worse than losing one of my children. As a mother, they are the most important part of my life, even though they are both grown. I believe we put too much emphasis on sexual preferences. We are who we are and should be accepted for who we are. I admire your strength to carry on. Your son Bill sounds like he was a remarkable young man. The so called religious fanatics can say what they want, but I prefer to think of my God as a fair, caring God that loves us all no matter what our sexual preference is. May he give you peace & strength to carry on and keep making a difference as you have been.   Sunday 06/23/2002 6:10:01pm Name: James L. Isbell E-Mail: jliakm@yahoo.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: New York City Comments:   Sunday 06/23/2002 2:14:38pm Name: Kimberly E-Mail: Hawaii_girl_4_u@yahoo.com Homepage: Homepage URL: http:// Location: Honolulu, Hawaii Comments: The Lord has made everyone different in his very special way. If people today, can see how everyone in the world has something "SPECIAL" to share with one another with love in their hearts this world would be so beautiful. We must start with having love for one another and not hate...People who "HATE" are people that are not happy with themselves. They can't live seeing others with happiness so they try to detroy it. We all must know that even if I love the color "RED" its NOT wrong for you to like "BLUE", that its our choice as a person. We must accept and love!!!! One day that person that likes blue can teach, share or even be there for the person that likes red. **THIS IS MY FEELINGS ABOUT OTHERS AND PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT IS NOT LIKE ME** And guess what? There is no one else like me in the world...we all are different in our very own special ways but we must remember we are all humans that need eachother in this world.   Sunday 06/23/2002 10:23:19am Name: Tonya E-Mail: Cas2dy Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: New Jersey Comments: It has been awhile since you lost Bill; my deepest condolences are extended. I only just found this site today; perhaps some who also find it may find a bit of tolerance, some humanity.   Friday 06/21/2002 12:00:37am Name: Amber Love E-Mail: silenceshurtall@aol.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Comments: Hi- There aren't words in any language to express how truly sorry that Bill is not here today to see what powerful work you have done. I am a lesbian and I have struggled with suicidaility myself. Knowing there are Moms like you and my own 2 Moms and my older brother who is also gay helped me get to a place of healing today at nearly 25. Thanks for caring and for choosing to respect who Bill was when most would have understood if you had closed off in grief. You reached out and other families, another son or daughter, brother or sister or friend I know has been reached. I can say from personal experience my own family as much as I love them I could not hear them at my darkest moments it was the support of 'extended' family and trained counselors, along with the love and support of my family that helped me hang on. My best wishes Amber     Thursday 06/20/2002 8:40:44pm Name: Cliff Goodrich E-Mail: clgmd21207@surfree.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Baltimore, Md. Comments: I wish I had had the courage that Bill had when I was his age. It's a deeply moving story and although I never met Bill, I won't soon forget him. God Bless   Wednesday 06/19/2002 1:54:03pm Name: June E-Mail: snuffygurl16@yahoo.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Ellwood City PA Comments: My first reaction to your story was to cry. I did as I wiped away my tears as I continued to read. I think it's a great idea that you're sharing your story. I am 16 and bisexual. I recently came out to my mom, who in turn told my dad. I have yet to discuss my lifestyle with them. Your story has given me hope that I can talk to them and they will still love me. Thank you for sharing and God bless.   Wednesday 06/19/2002 2:01:57am Name: Adam E-Mail: 95fordmustang@excite.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Princeton, WV Comments: First of all, my heart goes out to you and your family. May god be with you. I am a 22 y/o gay male and it saddens me to the upmost that this goes on. I admire you for what your doing. I am sure your son is very proud of you. If I can help in any way, please let me know! God Bless   Sunday 06/16/2002 8:03:57pm Name: christy K. mcanally E-Mail: jsmn26812@icqmail.com Homepage: Homepage URL: http://www.angelfire.com/me4/jasminesplace Location: Comments: i wanted to say that im sorry for what your son had to go through and for his death.If there is anything i can do to help in any way, please let me know..I am working on building my own website, which is what brought me to your story about your son. It was a touching story, and should remind people of how important it is to stop all the hate crimes in our world today. Please if there is anything i can do to help, email me at the above address. Or if there is anything you feel would be a good idea to put in my webpage to help spread the word of the importance to stop these hate crimes i'll be glad to do so with no hesitation.. sincerly, Christy k. mcanally   Sunday 06/16/2002 2:53:52pm Name: Sherri E-Mail: Margali@Qwest.net Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Phoenix AZ Comments: I don't know what to say. Having read "Bill's Story" all I can do is sit here and cry. My heart goes out to you all.   Saturday 06/15/2002 7:18:45pm Name: J.C. E-Mail: gaynightdude@yahoo.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: North Carolina Comments: Mrs. Clayton, I am a young closeted guy and I just recently dicovered Mogenic where I read Bill's story. I wanted to say that in today's world, it is hard for teens like myself to fully express ourselves like Bill did. I only wish that I have the courage equal to his or Matthew Shepard latter in life. And as so, both stories have touched my heart. Both of your sons are lucky to have parents as you and your husband. And I would also like to mention that I believe that your sons look to be the type of people that anyone would be lucky to have in their life. I know that I feel especially close to Bill because I too have thought about suicide. I also want to thank you for putting the story out there for everyone to learn that violence is out there and me must learn from the wrongs of the past to forge a better future.   Saturday 06/15/2002 5:07:54am Name: Zeni E-Mail: SweetDarkMavis@aol.com Homepage: - Homepage URL: Location: UK Comments: hi, I am a 17 year old straight female. I just thought that I would leave a small message here. It saddens me how homosexual/bisexual people are treated in the world. I personally believe that we should all be treated as equals. You cannot help who you fall in love with. The death of Bill is truly a tragic thing, as is all deaths/assults/murders. After reading your page I was truly moved. I cannot understand why people would choose to hurt anyone because of sexual orentation. Maybe I will when I start my counselling and psychology courses. I hope that in time people learn to accept others 'different' to them. Zeni xx   Thursday 06/13/2002 1:23:16pm Name: Gabi Clayton E-Mail: Homepage: Gabi's homepage Homepage URL: http://www.youth-guard.org/gabi/ Location: Olympia, WA Comments: I have emailed this to "Burning Black Triangle" two messages below: I want you to know that I have removed the url from the message you left in my guestbook. I left your message there as another example of the hate my son and so many other people face. Bill was no fake and not a martyr. He was flesh and blood and laughter and so much more and he was so young. Now he is seven years dead. He took his own life after his spirit and courage was killed when he was beaten by people who are fed hate by people like you. You have chosen a theology of hate instead of love. Shame on you.   Wednesday 06/12/2002 3:43:09pm Name: jon roelse E-Mail: jjroelse@earthlink.net Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Comments: I lost my youngest son last year. Reading Bills' story brought back all of the tears and heart break - not only for me but, for you --his family   Wednesday 06/12/2002 2:08:23pm Name: Burning Black Triangle E-Mail: burningblacktriangle@yahoo.com Homepage: The Burning Black Triangle Home Homepage URL: http://This url was removed by Gabi. Location: Smoke and Shadows Comments: Sorry to hear your Gay affirming attitude supported your Son's Damnation. Homosexuality is a Choice. Anything affirming Homosexuality is a lie. Tell the Truth. Homosexuality hurts not just the individual who practices it, but the people surrounding those who choose to engage in homosexual behavior. If your Son had not decided to engage in homosexual behavior then he would not have died. then you would not be suffering over his death. he would be a happy straight guy with a pretty wife and some grandkids. You were hurt by his decision to "be" homosexual. Of course there is always the idea that you made this website as a propoganda tool, in which case you never had any relation to this guy on the site and he was probably killed by pro-gay activists who were in desperate need of yet another martyr.... *sigh* *end Rant* P.S. Come visit my Website! Sign my guestbook! Stop affirming homosexuality!   Wednesday 06/12/2002 1:01:46pm Name: Brandi E-Mail: princess706@mediaone.net Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: USA Comments: hey i am soo sorry about your son, i have tried to commit suicide myself. i have problems with my family and me and my mother are always fighting...i hate to b in the house and she makes me watch my brother and i have caused many problems for some people, if i killed myself i kno that it will solve 2 problems, my problem is that i love this kid Corey so much and if i kill myself then i wouldnt have to worry about that, another 1 is my friend derek loves me alot and i dont feel the same way so if i killed myself then he woodnt like me any more,i met this boy paul who loves my best friend alyssa so much and then i met this kid bobby introduced her to him and now they are going out and i ruined pauls life because now he knows that he cant have her, and my other best friend kt..i met this boy chris that loves her so much and then i met this kid darrell and i told kt to think about him jus as a joke and now they are going out so i ruined chris's life. This is why i think i should kill myself because i just cause so many problems in life that i shouldnt live. I am sorry about your son but those are my reasons that i would like to kill myself for and maybe that will help you figure out why your son commited suicide. Thank you Brandi   Thursday 06/06/2002 10:07:54pm Name: eric repoff E-Mail: teacher062002@yahoo.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: winchester, va Comments: i read bills story and i found it very heart breaking. im a 20 yr. old gay male in winchester, va. im a gay youth advocate/activist. reading this story really hurt alot, and i wanted to let you know that i along with many others in my area are with you in this fight till the end. " Hate will not win in the end" if everyone does there part like you and me we will win this battle. with your permission i would like to use your story in my communitty. i just cant say enough about how heavey hearted i am at this point for what happened to bill. i am at a loss for words, i just want to let ya know i am with you and your family all the way. please feel free to email me at any time. love, eric.   Wednesday 06/05/2002 2:02:01pm Name: Natasha Novison E-Mail: TashaShedev2@yahoo.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Fontana California Comments: I found this to be a very touching story,and I'm very sorry we don't have very many open minded people out there, there was no reason for your son's death and for that matter gay bashers.   Wednesday 06/05/2002 9:09:55am Name: Lisa Schenkel E-Mail: sdg@kconline.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Indiana Comments: I was deeply touched by your story. I have a younger brother who is gay. Recently, a friend of mine (out of the blue) posed some questions to me about "Why I thought people were gay/lesbian/bisexual". I am not still not sure what her intentions were in asking me this, but the moment did not feel positive to me at all. The energy in the air just felt dark and prejudiced. When I proceeded to return her same question back at her, I was shocked at her answer!! I saw a side of her that I never knew existed, and I did not realize how ill-informed and homophobic she was. Her ignorant comments hurt me very much. And before I knew it, I found myself here at your site. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Bill sounded a lot like my brother in many ways. I enjoyed your photos, as well. I could see in Bill's eyes that he was a very gentle, caring and special person. I cried many tears while reading Bill's story and admiring your photos. Every inch of my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you, Lisa Schenkel   Sunday 06/02/2002 3:15:06pm Name: George Pomone. E-Mail: georgepomone@msn.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Ipswich,United Kingdom. Comments: I have been so touched reading Bill's story.In early years I got some of the same treatment.I feel for the pain and suffering this wonderfull young man went through.Because of this I have lived my life in a state of secrecy.Best wishes to You and your Lovely Family Dear Lady, George.   Saturday 06/01/2002 8:07:09am Name: Ken E-Mail: Homepage: Homepage URL: http://www.ficara.net/quotes/ Location: Brooklyn NY Comments: Stumbled over your quotes page (and harvested a few, feel free to do the same) and was touched by your attitude and your story. Thanks for a nice visit.   Friday 05/31/2002 2:22:54pm Name: Ben E-Mail: tupperbear69@yahoo.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Olympia Comments: Thank you for sharing your son's life. I went through similiar situations as a teen & thankfully made it to adulthood as a proud, gay man.   Tuesday 05/28/2002 0:41:51am Name: Kibbs E-Mail: heykibbs@hotmail.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Reno Nevada Comments: I am deeply sadden by the lose of one who still had so much of life to live. I can only hope that what you done here can truely make a difference in the way people think about others.. I can only say that the main focus of hate to stop is in the education of the children. maybe you can't get all to except others for who they are not what they like personally, but maybe enough to change some things in the future. All my best wishes to you   Sunday 05/26/2002 2:42:28pm Name: Steve Boese E-Mail: steve@opho.org Homepage: The Obnoxiously Positive Guy Homepage URL: http://www.opho.org Location: Des Moines, IA Comments: Bill and my friend Dale are very much on my mind and in my heart today. Dale, my boyfriend, died at 46 in November, 2000. He had started his coming out journey in 1999 after a lifetime of being the best guy he thought others needed him to be. Twenty-two years of marriage to his best friend weren't enough to quell the internal challenges that being gay brought him, and depression had taken its toll. We shared some of the most amazing yet simple times. Like Bill, Dale seemed to be finding himself and discovering peace in so many ways. Our favorite times were Sunday mornings with the newspaper, a cup of coffee and breakfast pizza (a wonderfully heart-clogging mix of eggs, cheese and sausage over a biscuit crust). Many of our weekends ended with a long hug and Dale saying, "If the rest of life could have moments like this, I wouldn't have a care in the world" before heading back to his apartment. Two years ago we celebrated his birthday at the campground where he was taking 2 weeks of vacation. His camping trailer was one of his passions. Setting up near a Saylorville Lake with tiny vestiges of luxury brought him a slice of heaven, time to read silly novels, listen to the birds and sip a glass of wine in the evening. Dale asserted himself gently. After playing piano and organ at a country church which his friends attended, he was invited to play more often. This was another passion of his, after playing and directing a choir for many years at the church he shared with his wife. Though not out to his friends, he came out to the pastor. He wanted to play for the church, but not cause problems by coming out later. Respectful dialogue with the pastor ended with a standing offer for Dale bring his musical gifts to the church, but only if he promised celibacy. Dale refused, saying he couldn’t deny being the person God had made him to be as a condition of entering God’s house. So clear, so direct. He seemed to be meeting the challenges he faced. He just didn’t tell anyone that he ordered the suicide info packet the day after ending the dialogue with the pastor. Over the next few weeks he carefully omitted that he hadn’t seen his therapist and that he was losing hope and strength, except in vague terms with online friends. We have lost too many bright lights, creative intellects, artworks to be painted, songs to be sung, simple friendships over coffee and breakfast pizza. Our lights must continue to shine as we embrace the folks in our midst, nurturing, protecting and strengthening each other. But, oh God, some times it just hurts. --Steve   Saturday 05/25/2002 10:37:27am Name: Gabi Clayton E-Mail: Homepage: Gabi's homepage Homepage URL: http://www.youth-guard.org/gabi/ Location: Olympia, WA Comments: This is a reply to the message below, and was also emailed to Marty Lineberry: Marty, I see you have revisited my website and left another of your messages in my guestbook. Once again I will leave your message there as an example of the kind of hate that killed my son. I hope it bothers you that I would say that. I hope you will believe me that I see your message as hateful. (I have my doubts that it matters to you what I think, and I will not waste my time arguing with you again.) You seem to believe that my son deserves and is in hell because he was bisexual -- and perhaps that I will end up there too because I loved and supported him. I hold you responsible for choosing to believe in a God of hate. While I find that incredibly sad, I also find it incredibly dangerous. Repent, Marty! Choose love over hate. What you are doing now is evil. I removed the url to your website that you left in your message. I believe that you left it there in order to get traffic on your own site, as is evidenced by the research I did the last time you came to visit mine. Your site is hurtful to people who I care about. If someone really wants to find your site I am sure they can, but I will not make it easy.   Saturday 05/25/2002 8:21:56am Name: Marty Lineberry E-Mail: jjf@electrosnap.com Homepage: Message of Hope, The Truth Revealed Homepage URL: http://-- the url was removed by Gabi -- Location: Tobaccoville NC Comments: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them! How can ye escape the damnation of hell? Repent! For the Kingdom of Heaven is at Hand! Homosexuality is a sin. Know ye not that our bodies are the temple of God, which is where the Holy Spirit dwells? God will destroy any man who defiles the temple of God. You boast about sin, like it is a good thing, you are proud, the truth is not in you.   Saturday 05/25/2002 1:36:05am Name: Barry Gallagher E-Mail: Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Ireland Comments: It makes for simple and wonderful understanding about the difficulties of life. I came across this site because I was feeling depressed, but now I feel alot stronger.   Friday 05/24/2002 9:00:00am Name: CARAMELANGEL E-Mail: CARAMELANGEL713@MSN.COM Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: LA Comments: I THINK IT IS WONDERFUL YOUSET UP THS SITE FOE AWARENESS AN DWISH YOU LUCK INALL YOUR ENDEAVORS   Thursday 05/23/2002 6:02:31pm Name: Travis Rash E-Mail: travisrash75@hotmail.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Ukiah, California Comments: There is really nothing I can say other than I am so sorry. I myself being a gay male living in a small homophobic town, watch my back constantly. My prayers and thoughts are with you.   Wednesday 05/22/2002 1:19:43pm Name: Peter E-Mail: pete1211@aol.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Minneapolis, MN Comments: I feel like a lost a friend and I didn't know Bill until a few minutes ago. I wish I had a time machine when I hear stories like Bill's. It hurts me so. I know personally the power of being seen and heard. My parents church was going in process of deciding to become Open and Affirming (Welcoming to GLBT people). I sat with my parents (and 2 other families) on a panel in front of 60 people as a gay man for the first time. The issue had been given a face and people left the room changed. I don't know if you know the musical "Ragtime". The end of the first act ends with a character's wife being beaten to death. It ends with the song "Til we reach that day." An anthem of his anguish and a Hymn of a call for justice. I saw this play shortly after Matthew's death and bit my lip hard to keep from "losing it." The play ends with a equally powerful song "Make them hear you." Every time I hear these songs I think of those that are gone and those we wish to save. Now another life has been added to that memory. Thank you for Bill. Best wishes for the future, Peter   Wednesday 05/22/2002 7:24:48am Name: Amanda E-Mail: ghetto_13_2003_420@hotmail.com Homepage: Homepage URL: Location: Comments: I think that it was wrong for them to decline your request to donate his organs and they are not very caring peope. i am very sorry about your loss there is way to much cruilty in this world today and again iam very sorry.   Monday 05/20/2002 9:00:30pm Name: Matt E-Mail: mmoore1982@ureach.com Homepage: pics Homepage URL: http://sebastian.pixxcity.com Location: Huntington, WV Comments: Bill's story is the most heart-wretching story i've read. Greatly reminds me of Matthew Shepard. I'm ready and willing to do anything and everything necessary to help put a stop to this as I'm only 19 myself. The things that happened to Bill could easily happen to any of us. Please people let's come together and form our own ARMY if we have to. Let's take on the big, the bad, the now republican USA and have tougher laws on hate crimes. We've come this far why stop now. Sincerely, Matt P.S. Take care of each other.