Gabi Clayton's Guestbook #3 - From 4/3/97 and 5/19/97
Note: This guestbook reads from the bottom of the page up. -- Gabi
I just added this guestbook today (4/4/97) - the older ones can be found with the link at the top of this page...
I am way behind on writing to thank all of you for what you write here. Please know that I read all the letters and they are wonderful! I get strength and hope from all of you. All my love --


I love the page, it really opened up my eyes more than those uniformative videos in school, this is real life, and gabi, i'm sorry about what happend to bill. Best of wishes

Robert C. Kalajian Jr.

I hope that in the near future, Bill's
story will be a beacon which will light
a pathe to freedom for many who share
a need for the right to be.


I understood totally where Bill was coming from. I know a lot of people that are homophobia and don't care for me because my friends are homosexuals and bisexuals. There is so much hate in the world that it's a wonder that suicide is the top leading cause of death among people. It's said that people can be so cruel and think so little of other people. Everyone is human, and everyone should be treated like humans not like an individual because of what their race, gender or sexuality may be. Thank you for putting the Bill's story on line so I could read it, it made me open my eyes to how cruel and rude people truely are in the world today!


Thank you for Bill....not just the story about him.....but for Bill himself. I promise to help....Please let me assure you that your faith that we will all be brothers and sisters, in a world wherein we were placed to love, is quite evident. Bill is lucky to have(the tense is not in error) u as parents and family. God Bless.


I am crying for Bill at the same time I am enraged at our culture's lack of maturity. Partly because I have many GLB friends and partly because I am human I will continue to fight for human rights for all of us. there are too many Bill's in this world-I hope for the day when there are no more.

Kathy Simmons

I am doin a paper on gay hate crimes and Im asking permission to use your son's story in my report. Bill's story has touch so many people including myself and I want to thank you for building this page. It has opened my eyes and some of my friends up to this hatred and what it can do. I felt what it could do. Being an 18 yr old gay young man is not easy. I've known ever since I was 9 or 10, didn't tell my parents till i was 11 that I was messed and they reassured it was just a phase but now we know different. I don't know why I'm tellin you this but I feel that I can trust and we more people to trust. Sometimes I feel like Bill and don't think I could go on much longer in this world of hate, but his story is a modle for what hate can do and I'm ashamed of that part of humanity, but theres no getting past it; we can only fight it. I use to think gay parades and stuff like that were stupid but they aren't I know now what they are fighting for. I'll keep Bill and your family in my prayers. Email me at your convenience giving me permission to use your story. I would be honored to present it as fashionably as you, but it won't have as much emotion. It will on my part but those receiving may not, but don't underestimate the basic goodness of people. You've seen it at the ralley which Bill talked at...Thanks again Gabi for listening...




Gabi, I could not go to bed tonight without commenting on "Bills Story". I am 46, and the father of two teenage sons. I came out 3 years ago to my family. My 14 year old has now come out as a bisexual. I feel for your loss contemplating the agony and knowing what lies in store for my son. I have vowed to do all in my power to assist him, his brother, and sisters, and friends to be able to freely express who they really are. I have a dream similar to Martin Luther King, Jr. but worded differently; I dream of a time when love can be freely expressed in all of its infinite varieties without labels. It will just be called "love". Your efforts surely hasten the day when that dream will come to pass. Your love really shows. Thanks from Joe in Juneau.

Joseph Geist, Sr.

What a loss for the world. My condolences to you and your family. Like your son Bill, I also struggle with suicidal thoughts (I am in therapy, but it is still a struggle at times.) I remember what my aunt said to me when I had shown her my firdt grade report card. "You got an "A" for conduct and effort. The other grades do not matter as long as you behave yourself and try your best."

Rob Ploski

What a wonderful tribute to your son. This really moved me and I feel your pain. I am out to my family but wish the rest of the world would just try to accept this as it is not a choice that we make. If anything, in today's society I would choose to be straight. But, I am proud to say I am gay. Again, this is a great tribute and I am sure Bill will be remembered forever.

Loren Merrill Jr.

"Bill's Story" was very hard for me to read. It scared me. Joe is 17 but has no idea of the hate that exists in the world. He lives in a dream world where everyone is good and no hatred is abided by himself or his friends. What will happen when this dream world is shatterred, I don't know. That is my greatest fear.

Wilson Justice

I love the story. Even thought I could not understand all the words.
But I understood what is call live and love. I had such Bill's story. Just a differernt experience.
I have tried to kill myself many times. But I still live I do not why. I love live but I hated live. This is me.


Gab - Just read your newest letters and if they aren't the most touching words that I have read in a long time! Your words are making a difference-rejoice in that! Love, Linda



I wanted to thank you for helping me get the new guestbook set up. One couldn't ask for a better and truer friend.

Love ya,

Ed "Broph" Brophy

Very stirring!

Bill Dickinson

I am Bi-sexual since age 16. I grew up with so much presure that I too was about to end my life. I was afraid to tell anyone of my family members, they would notice my friends coming over were all males and would ask me the big question and only deny.
I held on, and kept on fighting until I came out - Today I am a 28 year old President & CEO of International Trademark Corporation - and I support events and people. Keep up the good work and God bless all for Peace world wide.


G. Andrew Jasangas
President & CEO
International Trademark Corp.
Guam Office - Hong Kong Office

G. Andrew Jasangas

I am sorry about the loss of your son. I
hate homophobia and i want it to stop.

Lynn Gibson

I was told by a friend of mine to
read this story. I was deeply touched
by it. I was in tears by the end of the
story. I want you to know that I can
understand your frustration when it
comes to homophobia. The area I live in
is totally homophobic. I think my
family is about the only open minded
family in this town. It's really sad.

I send you my deepest
sympathies. Bill must have been a really
great guy. It's a shame that hatred
can do such horrible things, and why
there is so much of it towards people
who happen to be different from the
"norm." I will definatly link this
web page to my website and spread the
circulation of this story. The world needs to know how hurtful HATE can be.

--Kevin Gumm--
Age 18

Kevin Gumm

I think that Bill's life was very struggling and that he had it hard until he came out...his life is basically like mine...meaning I am a 19 year old lesbian who was very afraid of coming out and at one point I wanted to commit suicide cause of the fact I didn't think anyone would except me for me and judge me and my lifestyle...which I think now is very wrong...cause of the fact we are equal people but have different lifestyle and I wish I could have said what I am saying now to people who judge me because I am a lesbian.....I am so sorry to hear about what had happened to Bill...May God Bless Him

With Sincere.

Tina Campos

Tina Campos

Gabi, I wish I had the opportunity to have known Bill. He sounds like such a wonderful person. I recently told my family that I am gay and they have all been very supportive. Now that I have told them, I can begin to live my life the way I want and not how society would prefer. I have always been afraid to speak my mind about being gay, because I feared the reaction of others. Bill's story has really touched me, and I will remember him on May 8, 1997, my thirtieth birthday. I will add a link to your site to my home page in hopes that others will visit and speak out against the hate.

Anthony C. Reidler

i just read bills story and i hope you guys are doing okay because remember you can get through it

andrew frank
andrew frank

Hi I am a 17yr. old female who just started to "come out" to my family.I have already been harrased but luckily not phisicaly.Although words hurt very much.I read the story about your son Bill and I would like to say I am very sorry.I think that you are a very loving and caring person to understand "our" feelings and how you speak out I think there should be more peole out in the world that are like you.:o)

Alicia Messina

Gabi, it IS you. I'm so glad to have found you in this way. Your website is the answer to prayer. I'm starting a new series of journal therapy groups for people with HIV/AIDS thru Denver General Hospital and I've been wanting to find some HIV/AIDS journals to share. Willa's Journal led me to Steve Schalchlin, which led me to you... again! It's good to be in touch in this way. Prayers and blessings.

Kay Adams

Hi. Please don't use my name if you post this with other stuff, because I'm really paranoid about people finding out about me. I'm nineteen years old and I realized I was a lesbian when I was about 16. Now that I think about it, I have always 'known' on some level that I liked girls. But I grew up in a really, really conservative household. When I was 8 I asked my parents what gay meant and they wouldn't tell me. Every time I go to their house they ask me if I am a 'sexual degenerate' or talk about how the 'queers' are a bunch of depraved individuals, perverts who want 'escalating levels of depravity.' Of course I have to lie to them. All I want, really, is someone to love... someone to plant flowers for, to make curtains for... lunches to pack, science projects to help with.
Anyway, Bill's story... I don't know what to say about it. Unfortunately it didn't shock me, though I am lucky enough not to know anyone... I was going to say anyone who's been a victim of a hate crime like that, but that's not true. As I was typing that I realized my friend Wendy has had her car and other things vandalized again and again. I don't think I know anyone who's been beaten up.
But the real thing about Bill's story was how supportive you were. I hope you know how much that means. I think... I think my dad might kill me if he found out. Every time my phone rings, I'm afraid it's my parents and they've found out somehow.
I've quit waking up hating who I am-- most mornings. Some days I wake up sick to my stomach, thinking that I can't change this. Other days, I just dream of hands to hold, babies to care for. Until I realize that my parents will never, ever accept that. And I don't know what to do.
This is rambling... but what I want to say is, thank you for supporting Bill and loving him anyway. It doesn't change anything for me, but it makes me feel like this might be a little more okay.
blessed be-

Gabi, thanks for telling us about Bill.
His story is a good reminder, not only
of the hatred and cruelty that exists,
but of beauty and caring. I can tell
that your son reached out to many
people, both in life and in his death.

May you be comforted by his memories.

Peter Chastain

It has been 17 years since my first lover committed suicide. I was 17 years old at the time and we had been together for six years (long story). Reading Bill's story reminds me that the pain is still with me every day, though in different ways. I look forward to the day when tragedies like this will be long distant memories. Peace be with you.


You can be with Bill and I can help.

Vincent Irwin

End the angst. Join Bill forever. Come to Farmington, CT, to the Stacks. Soar off the highest bridge. Leap to Bill.


I am ever so glad, in memory of your son, that he had such a loving family to support him. I just wish that I did. You are a tribute to all that makes parents great.

Ronald Junho Hur

I'm 18 years old. I'm determined to become a Mental Health Counselor. And your homepage ggave me more inspiration.

p.s. if you can please send me some info to help me reach my goal..

Alicia Adams

I am the mom of a 17yo gay son. My son came close to having a nightmare encounter with the first man he was involved with and after reading Bill's story, I realize how lucky my son was to have escaped without harm. I have started an online support group called Common Bond to ease the feeling of isolation during the coming-out process for families with a gay child. I am determined to help parents to support their kids with unconditional love by providing an understanding place for them to seek out other parents who have felt what they are feeling.


i just wanted to thank you for your wonderful story and the courage u seemed to have as a family it was remarkable.i have just come out and i have 3 kids and have been married for ten years i could no longer go on living a life of lies and also believed it to be selfish for my wife to live that way also,meanwhile we have gotten on with our lives and we have been very supportive of each other .again thank you for your story and keep up the good work let me know what i can do to help u in any way

rich laflamme

Bill's story should not remain an other example of homophobia, in the late '90s.
It's so unfair. Well thank you for making this site. I will put a link from web site to your URL.

Homophobia is everywhere, and can lead to suicide. Thank you Gaby for pleading for an open minded and free of prejudiced world.

Christophe (apologizing for the poor english)


Your son's story truly touched me! As a 21 y/o who's now dealing with coming out of the closet I can relate to what your son went through. I have made the promise to myself to always stand up to those who want to push me down...and I will take your son's story as kindeling for my fire. Thank you for sharing what I know was a true tragedy.

Best Wishes,

Matt W.

Matt Weston



I am high school teacher in Gainesville, Ga. I teach art. I am in the middle of the bible belt.. I have some students who claim to be bi-sexual. As for as I know, non have been the victim of serious negative attacts. I know that their lives are not easy for them in that they live outside the local norm.

joe hall

I sorry to hear this story about your son. I am not Bisexual nor Gay, but I am writing a book on the subject of Hate Crimes.
Your story inspires me to write further and to add another character.
Thank You,
Dan T.


I am a graduate student from Cleveland State University. I am doing a paper on gay teen suicide and having a hardtime finding sites on the net. Can you give me some suggestions. This is an important paper to me becuase 1. I am an educator, 2. I am gay, 3. I am not very good at the net. Thanks. Steve

Stephen Bryant

This story is still on my mind, almost a month after i read it. I am so sorry to hear about the tragedy you had to go through and i wish you best of luck.

rob romano

Credo in unum Deum! Et iternum ventúrus est cum gloria judicare vivos et mórtuos. Cogito ergo sum. Dominus vobíscum.

Thankyou for such a great revelation...

Mark Pinson

my heart weeps for the sufferings bill at to put with. to think a boy of his age had under gone such a suffering makes me wonder what the human society has come to.i will always say a silent prayer for bill in my prayers.

sheela thirumoorthy


I still can't get over the worldwide attention that has come from the simple act of putting Bill's Story on your site.

I think back to our first encounter, way back when Bill's Story was little more than a face on your front page and how "horrified" (LOL) you were when, after sending me his story by email, you found it posted on my site in all its glory.

At the time I told you how all people needed to do was to read the truth and then look into those 17 year old eyes.

We're less than a week away from the opening of THE LAST SESSION in New York and today was the first time I realized that our opening night would coincide with the anniversary of Bill's death. Jimmy said you and he had already talked about it.

Well, it blows my mind. And so do you. I just read your journal pages today and am honored that you place me in such high esteem. I had forgotten there was a time when it was just you and me talking about Bill.

And, yes, the "other thing I had in mind" -- a referral in your journal -- was that I dedicated my CD in memory of Bill Clayton and the lives his story will save.

I also saw the idiot a few letters up from me here on this guestbook who "invited" you to "join Bill" and I was appalled that someone would intrude upon a mother's grief in such a crass and disturbing way. I also think you should leave there so people can know that the flames of hatred burn brightly.

But not as brightly as the love you bring to us all. You have made a difference in my life and I shall always be...

...your friend,


Steve Schalchlin

I'm sorry for your loss. This is a beautifully written aticle on an important issue....HATE. There is just no time for it. Although I am not gay, I have many friends who are. I love them all dearly, and although their sexual orientation is not something I understand, I still love them for the wonderful people they are. You son sounds like a wonderful person and your story has touched me deeply! Best wishes always to you and your family!


I just want to really say that I have been deeply touched, like never before, when I read Bill's story. I read it twice and I cried each time I read it.
It's really sad how cruel the world can sometimes be. Even though I don't know Bill, I'm sure that from the story, he is a loving, warm and sensitive person. I just wish I knew him better. And I also want to say that you have been a great mum and I'm sure Bill is very proud of you. Hopefully, Bill's Story will bring a dawn of new hope for the so many more teenagers who are struggling out there.

Carrey Lim

i would just like to say that i am very sorry about your losses,and only a short
while ago society was beginning to accept blacks,i don't know i guess we all have to speak out,and you are doing
your very best,and i commend you,and everyone else.
warm wishes,


Dr. Mrs. and Mr. Clayton,
After reading "Bill's Story," I wanted to commend you both for your fortitude, dedication, and endurance. In light of all of the suffering and intolerance Bill was unjustly forced to endure, it is comforting to know that he had two caring and supportive parents. I think you've done a wonderful service to both your children and to others by speaking out against hate crimes and discrimination, and your efforts are clearly having an impact. You're not only honoring Bill, you're helping to create a safe environment for all people. Good luck with all of your efforts-


I would just like to say that the story has really opened up my eyes. I was only doing a report and just wandered in to the story. As I read it , I get an overwhelming surge of sympathy and anger from reading this story. Thank you for putting this up and sharing it with everyone . It has given me a lot of insight.

Joe Tang

Incredible what a courageous man Bill was, I pray all the time that those Acts of haterd will one day no longer be accepted or even tolerated by the world. Bless you! :)


Ok, so it's not exactly a home-page yet. It'll come...

I find it interesting that there are two 'phobic posts in this book. I guess the ignorance really runs deep. He's welcome to stop on by...

Such a shame that there isn't more support for gay youth... I could comment on so much...

Hopefully, for every ten 'phobes that visit, just one will see that Bill was human above all else.


As a gay teen I attempted suicide 7 times. I has never unhappy with who I was or what I was, just the fact that I had alot to face trying just to be OK, fit in, be a respected, contributing member of society, etc.

At 41 I am a PFLAG board member of Chicago . Lakeview Chapter I am the longest standing vokunteer, 10 years now, on a crisis line for l/g/b/t victims of crime -- Horizons; Anti-Violence Project (AVP). I had a gay uncle who was murdered, I believe in part becasue of his sexual orientation.

I have more than a personal comprehension of what lies on the other side of freedom of speech.

I am diabetic legally blind, and had a kidney/pancreas transplant 10/17/94. I was out to all medical personal, and my relationship was honored (at least to my face).

The older I get, and despite medical limitations I am committed to advocacy. Though extremely taxing visually I, my partner, and another cherished friend, a PFLAG mom ( have spent countless hours crafting our web site. This site was recommended by, in response to my asking about locating an animated Pride Flag. I read on...

I have no words! There are no words... Only hopes... that perhaps my crisis line work, my involvement with PFLAGs helpline, our web site are support systems or touchstone, that can reach someone who may otherwise feel as overhwelmed with reality as your son, Bill.

Though I came looking for a Pride flag - a symbol, I found a young man who symbolizes what the flag stands for - pride who in we are AND the reality that we still struggle to get it...

My deepest sympathy. Feel free to publish this, my email address, and our web site, as you see fit.

Tim Lugo-Lucchett
(please excuse any mistakes, the white screen in blinding)

Tim Lugo-Lucchetti

Dear Gabi,

I came here to find a Pride flag... what I found compelled me to already reply. After doing so I read all the letter posted, and replied to some.

I want to let you know that I will be linking to you web site. This is just one reason why I have volunteered on the l/g/b/t crisis line for 10 years, and why I am so dedicated to PFLAG.

I am speechless.......

Tim Lugo-Lucchetti

Gabi, this looks wonderful and I'll be back to read your page in more depth after I get caught up with my P-Flag talk email...I've been visiting with the space aliens who are currently inhabiting my parents bodies and am recovering slowly...Have a great Mother's Day from a new surrogate son


Jonathan Carver

Wonderfully written, Sad, God Bless You.

John Smith

Dear Gabi,
Just a note from Red Deer, Alberta Canada to say how proud I am to continually meet people such as yourself who are prepared to defend and act as a torch in this world of hatred and darkness.

I was disowned by my family at the age of 16 when I told my father that I was gay. He told me " no son of mine is gay, and I said " then I guess you have no son." That was 30 years ago. When I read your letter it brought back so many sad memories of how I wished my parents had treated the situation

I lost a brother through suicide so I have a great deal of respect for those that make the choice as to whether they shall continue in life or not.

My heart goes out to you and your family and knowing that you have enlightened thousands of people through your internet mail.

Best Regards
Cliff Simpson

Cliff Simpson

I cried when I read Bill's story, and as a gay man, I hurt when I hear of this type of tragedy. I've been fortunate to never have experienced this first hand and my heart goes out to you. You are all a strong and brave family and I pray to God that you can change the attitude of just one homophobic person. God bless you.

Chris Kaelin

Thank You very much for your story.
It brought me to tears as many
others. I am so sorry for Your loss of Bill. I can't understand the hate
that grows up in your country.
It feels so unfair that a kid who
would be in my age now, had to
end his life only because he loved
all the people. There're many young
people here as well who wants to
end their life because of being
gay. I can only try to keep their mood
up and help them as much as I can.
Anti-violence protests are not
unusual here. Young people hurt
each other just because they are
of different skin colour or sexuality.
The struggle for peace and
understanding goes world around.
Thanks for all. Peace for the world.

Johnny Andersson, Sweden

I am glad you got to meet Steve S up close and personal, Singing behind "When you Care" has been one of the most moving times in my Life. I wish sooooo much that we could be there in New York to see his Currican production. I'll have to wait to see it on Lifetime. Thanks for the chance to chat. Karl

Karl Haight-Boyd

Michael Roessler

Hi Gabi,

I hope you'll understand me as I'm a french canadian.

I rarely read personnal homepages because this stuff is usually banal. But I discovered by chance your page and went all thru Bill's story and ended tears in my eyes and on my cheeks. It has awoken sadness and fears buried in my heart since I'm a teenage. Yeah, memories...

When I was a child and knew I wasn't like the other boys, some of them laughing at me by yelling stuff like "I'm a fag...". That hurted me much. WHen I was a teenage, knowing I was much more attracted by guys rather than girls, but having nobody to tell it. As my family was not especially open minded to gay people and as my father told me "masturbation is a sin and is bad" I had decided at this point that I should keep this secret for myself. I was often afraid someone could "see thru me" and realise what I really was and then hurt me in a way or another...Later to hide this to the world and to myself I got married. But after 10 years, I was feeling really bad, depressed, etc. I began a therapy and then I divorced and admitted I was gay.

I'm 35 now, feeling better, and accepting myself more. But being gay or bi in our society is not easy. And I feel sad and angry when I see the suffering of all those today's teens who must deal with their non-choosen sexual orientation and the hate of the world toward them. It's difficult to accept ourself as gay (and bi I imagine), but when a part of the world is against us and wants to hurt us just because of that, I understand why some of them prefer to commit suicide.

To end my long note, I just want to tell to all gay and bi teens who feel sad, bad about it: don't feel ashamed of yourself. You are a person and you worth it ! Let yourself go the way your hearth guides you, and don't blame yourself but instead welcome yourself if your hearth brings you to a person of the same sex, even if it's difficult to accept. Hearth always knows the best way...

Thanks Gabi for your page.


Hi Gabi! I thought I'd drop in and sign this thing since I haven't yet. I am so glad we finally got to meet this weekend -- what a lucky kid Billy was and how lucky I am to call you friend!

Tracey Thornton

I came across Bill's site by accident today, and have spent over an hour reading. Several times I had to push back and cry until I could continue. No one should have to endure what Bill and yourself have been put through, no one at all. I work with the Gay Student Alliance at the U of AR at Fayetteville, and plan to add your site to our online resources. As our website and resource quide is one of the few sources of information for gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in this area, I know it will be useful to many here both young and old. I am feeling a lot of emotions at the moment, and am not sure exactly what I want to convey to you. Just know that there is a love that binds us all and keeps Bill's memory and dreams alive.

Chris Jones

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Kim Wyatt

Hi Gabi,

I found your website because had sent your URL to her 500+ online subscribers of her gay news service. I'm actually studying for my finals and the time I've spent on your website tonight is going to hurt my academics. But I figured that such a touching and wonderful story deserves my time and attention. I'm so touched by your family's painful journey of truth... if you lived in Iowa I would be driving over to visit with you! I'm adding your URL to my website because everyone should read Bill's story someday.

I was very moved by Bill's life, and I wished that he had been my friend. I would have done all I could to let him know that being bisexual isn't the end of the world. Most people will be bullied for some personal characteristic that society makes fun of relentlessly. It is very sad how a lot of people condone discrimination and injustice till it hits home. My parents sure learned a lesson too.

I vividly recall how my parents would fight in their room with the door shut when I was five. My Dad told my Mom to lower her voice, saying: "Denis is growing to grow up gay if he hears us argue!" In 1993, my Dad (a Clinton supporter) cursed at the papers as he read about Clinton's intention to lift the ban on gays in the military. My Dad then called the president a pervert in front of me, and we got into a terrible argument that ended in physical violence. I adamantly supported Clinton, and my Dad thought I was turning into a wicked liberal yuppie. I had previously told my Dad he was wrong to be a racist, sexist, homophobe, ethnocentrist, etc. My Dad thought I was arguing simply for idealism. I was an idealist, but I was also a closet case in high school. In 1994, while attending Washington University in St. Louis, I decided I could no longer be a hypocrite and have my parents pay $20,000/year tuition plus living expenses while I lied to them. I knew my college dream may evaporate if I told my Dad the truth. My friends all told me to stay in the closet till my Dad







I just finished reading Bill's story and am still in tears. If my writing is incoherent, please forgive me. First, thank you for putting the story here for everyone to see. It pains me to hear that Bill felt he couldn't take all the hatred at age 14 because I thought the same at that age and still do sometimes now (I'm 30). I admire your strength to do what you have done and thank you. I don't think I'll EVER forget Bill's story. Thanx again.

Hoover Zariani

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