Name: Matthew Wilson
Website: Matthew Wilson's page against Hate
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Pueblo, CO
Time: 2000-05-10 22:58:45
Comments: Gabi, I was just thinking about Bill, Matthew, and the many others we have lost to hatred. While re-reading I hadn't realized that the anniversary was just two days ago. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you, and praying. Your family is always in my heart. Thank you for maintaining this webpage. There are a few people who I intend on seeing when we get to where ever we go when we die, and Bill is one of them. Love, Matthew J Wilson STOP THE HATE!

Name: Jeff Cummings
Website:
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Pittsburgh, PA
Time: 2000-05-10 15:10:41
Comments: I am a friend of Steve Schalchlin's, Gabi. He told me about you and Bill. Bill's story and yours is very moving. Everybody should hear it. I look forward to meeting you on the TLS list.

Name: Lance
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Michigan
Time: 2000-05-09 20:23:15
Comments: This kind of treatment of Gay, and Bisexual teens and also adults out rages me. I'm a 20 year old gay male. Coming out to friends and watching my back due to hate crimes.

Name: Lonnie
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: MN
Time: 2000-05-09 18:24:52
Comments: Amazing and tragic story, really makes you think of how people can be disrespectful towards others.

Name: Erik
Website: Erik's Place
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Kennewick, WA
Time: 2000-05-08 17:55:59
Comments: Wow! What a story. I'm going to put a link to this at my site.

Name: Jeffrey Furgeson
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Traverse City Michigan
Time: 2000-05-08 17:42:30
Comments: I am truly sorry about your loss. The climate of hate that i expierence in my northern michigan town is immense but stories like yours are what keep me going. It is so bad here that me and my lover (openly gay males) have decided to move and start over. My wish for this world is that people just stop and think abought other peoples feelings before they spread their propaganda of hate. Hate kills... sometimes i wonder what keeps me here too!! I will fight until the end so that just maybe the next generation does not have to feel like this. You have honored your son in the best way Thank You

Name: Joplin MacColl
Referred by: AOL
From: Newport Beach, CA
Time: 2000-05-08 17:08:58
Comments: I am researching for my essay about a topic of social import. I decided to do gay-rights. I must present both sides of the issue but it is the hardest thing i have to do. I am straight yet believe gay people have every right that heterosexuals do, including marriage. In researching, I came across this website and before I finished, I was in tears. I thank you so much for sharing your story despite the pain it took to write. I wish I could have met him...

Name: Laurent Triquenaux
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Paris, France
Time: 2000-05-08 05:05:41
Comments: congratulations to your son and to you all. and thank you. keep the faith. laurent.

Name: Tim
Website: Tim's World
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Washington DC
Time: 2000-05-07 21:27:07
Comments: I was surfing the web tonight, looking for a little diversion from dealing with my own problems, when I came to this site. How tragic your son's death was. Depression is a huge problem and one that is still not well understood. I am a 20 year old gay male. Fortunately I have not had to deal with suicidal thoughts or extreme depression but I know a lot of peoplw who deal with them constantly. A lot of it involves dealing with being gay and the lack of acceptance by family and friends. Some of it involves the violence and abuse all of us may be subject to who are gay, bisexual or transgendered. My heart goes out to you for your loss and to your son for a life cut short of its promise. We must all work to end hate crimes and end the bigotry that exists, particularly by those who hide behind religion. There is no justification they can offer for the hate they foster in the name of God. It teaches hate, violence and cowardice. Yes, those who attacked your son were cowards. I did not receive the comfort and diversion I was looking for when I surfed to this site tonight. You see, my wonderful Mother died last night from cancer. And I am trying to deal with my grief and loss. But you have given me something I can take with me - a sense of a boy who left this world far too early and of his loving family who continue to honor his life and his memory. Thank you. Tim

Name: Someone who cares
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: A society filled with too much hate.
Time: 2000-05-07 13:45:46
Comments: I am so sorry for your loss. Bill's death was a tragic one. A death that should not have taken place. I read the last entry in your guestbook. People like Lori are the problem. Shame on her. The intollerance and hatred has to change. Thank you for your work and your dedication.

Name: Lori
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From:
Time: 2000-05-06 05:59:02
Comments: A crime is a crime, regardless of the motive. Just because someone chooses to be a faggot, and is then assaulted, does not make it a hate crime. It is crime regardless. No punishmesnt should be harsher because some people say it was committed out of hate or rage. It's a crime all the same, and being a faggot should not garner one special attention, or a more severe penalty for their actions.

Name: Paul Flynn
Website: None
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: Boston, MA
Time: 2000-05-05 19:44:28
Comments: I am a 38 year old gay man that has been in and out of depression mostly brought on by the hateful rhetoric I hear day in and day out. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your beautiful son's life and your emotions.

Name: DEENA STOVER
Referred by: Net Search
From: WEST VIRGINIA
Time: 2000-05-05 04:35:15
Comments: HELLO,I JUST GOT DONE READING THIS STORY AND IT BROKE MY HEART,IT REALLY GOT TO ME.I AM VERY SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SON,BUT I COMMEND YOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND LOVE YOU HAD FOR YOUR CHILD.I FEEL IN THE SOCIETY TODAY YOU CAN NEVER TELL WHAT PEOPLE WILL DO OR SAY WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLES SEXUALITY.SOME CAN BE SO MEAN AND SOME CAN BE VERY SUPPORTIVE..IT IS SO WONDERFUL HOW YOU STOOD RITE BY YOUR SON.SOME PARENTS WOULD DISOWN THERE CHILDREN JUST FOR THE FACT THEY ARE GAY..ME MYSELF,I AM BISEXUAL AND DIDNT REALIZE IT TILL AFTER I HAD THREE CHILDREN.BUT I HAVE LEARNED TO DEAL WITH THE FACT.YOUR STORY HAS REALLY HELPED ME .KEEP UP WITH THE GOODNESS IN YOUR HEART YOU HAVE FOR YOUR SON. HE WILL BE THOUGHT OF ALWAYS BY ME....

Name: Bev Merrick
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: BC, Canada
Time: 2000-05-04 01:42:45
Comments: My son committed suicide at the age of 14. Over 10 years ago.I do know that my son was depressed and there was not a lot of help....the doctors,social worker,councellers said... teenagers are like that.......and a firm hand would straighten him out. I didn't use a firm hand, I knew they where wrong. "Depression" what ever the cause needs to be treated, however sometimes the battle is lost. But maybe through our children's stories someone elses child can be reached.

Name: Kristen Spencer
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Tallmadge Ohio
Time: 2000-05-02 13:41:00
Comments: I am so sorry about Bill. I am 16 years old and I know somewhat what he is going through. Though I am not gay, I do have a sucide problem. I have tried numerous times to over dose and I constantly have marking on my wrists. I have to make this short, but I want you to know that you are all in my prayers, and that I will never forget this story and you have truly touched my heart.

Name: Jamee Goulding
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: Brisbane, Australia
Time: 2000-05-02 04:59:46
Comments: i was very touched by Bill's story. I am hoping to make a short film on suicide at school, to show people, especially young people the early warning signs of a suicidal person. I hope people who have been sworn to secracy by a confiding sucidal friend do speak up to someone who can help them. They may those their friendship because of a lost of trust but at least they will by alive. My many thanks JAMEE

Name: anthony rivera
Referred by: Net Search
From: ny
Time: 2000-05-01 10:11:07
Comments: thank you for sharing your son's story! I am deeply touched and as a result will be joining P-FLAG here in New York to offer support. again thank you. anthony rivera

Name: Jason Lydon
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Kingston, MA
Time: 2000-04-30 16:32:34
Comments: thank you soo much for being wonderful parents. You will never understand how much it means to your son. I am an openly gay 17 year old male. I work on the Massachusetts Governors Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth. This group puts together the ONLY Gay/Straight YOUTH pride march in the world. I wish that I could do something for you but this story has affected me in every way. Tears and hope for you and for myself. Your son will always be in my heart forever. Love and peace to you , Jason LYdon

Name: Vanessa
Website: Veronica
Referred by: AOL
From: CA
Time: 2000-04-30 10:49:00
Comments: THIS IS A VERY TOUCHING ESSAY. iN SCHOOL WE HAD TO FIND A HAT CIME. I CHOSE BILL'S STORY BECAUSE IT STOOD OUT THE MOST.

Name: Adam Rodenberger
Website: PeopleArt Productions Photography
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Atlanta, GA
Time: 2000-04-29 22:37:28
Comments: If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. If I could be a big brother to other's coming out or could help at a support group I and my life partner of 11 years would be more than happy to help. loving hugs to you and all! Adam & Robert

Name: robert clark
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: johnson city, tn.
Time: 2000-04-29 06:00:18
Comments: thank you for a glimpse into your son's life.

Name: Chris
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Melbourne, Australia
Time: 2000-04-27 07:29:23
Comments: Im so sorry to read that, i cryed, i know how hard it must have been for him, i am a gay 14 year old guy, and a still haven't been able to go out to my perants yet, not anyone, and that hurts a lot too, anyway, Im sorry again, ill hope to see one of you guys again sometime.

Name: Jessie Winn
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Wisconsin
Time: 2000-04-26 18:04:35
Comments: I am very, truely sorry for your sons death. Hate crimes are such horrible things and for it to lead to suicide is even worse.

Name: Kelvin Hanratty
Website: Scenequeen: the ultimate guide to gay life in Manchester
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Manchester (UK)
Time: 2000-04-26 14:49:51
Comments: I felt that this was a really moving and sensitive article. I comend your bravery and ability to carry on - fighting the injustice that LGBT people face on a daily basis. I'm sure that Bill is keeping an eye on you, so that you can be rest assured that he is very proud of you as parents. I really wish that there were more parents like yourselves out there, and that people had the same caring mindset. The world would such a nicer place if this was so! All my love and best wishes, Kelvin

Name: Debra
Referred by: Net Search
From: Omak, WA
Time: 2000-04-26 09:22:54
Comments: I am a nursing student and will be graduating this summer. I am doing a class presentation and am including resource information for troubled youth and teens that are struggling with sexual identity. I will be using this site to help educate my classmates. Thank you for sharing your story, strength and courage. GOD Bless You!

Name: dane
Website: my home page
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: austrila
Time: 2000-04-26 01:44:11
Comments: im so sorry for your loss i read this story and it moved me so i live in a small town and i see hate there we have no support groups all i have is the internet.I hope one day things like this will only be a story and there will be no real people who have to live with this abuse thank you so much .

Name: josh
Website: SKYWOLF'S DEN
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Toledo,Ohio
Time: 2000-04-25 15:01:11
Comments: hi :]

Name: Darren
Referred by: Net Search
From: Scotland
Time: 2000-04-25 12:59:51
Comments: I am sorry for your loss and I can understand where your son comes from. Regards Darren

Name: Dave
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Ontario, Canada
Time: 2000-04-24 13:16:31
Comments: I read Bill's Story and was deeply moved. It is so tough overcoming the phobias & descrimination in the world, but I commend you for not letting Bill's death go in vane. He seemed like a fine man and would appreciate all you have done as do I!! Great job!!

Name: Megan W.
Referred by: Net Search
From: Coatesville, PA
Time: 2000-04-24 09:24:29
Comments: I was looking for a story to help me with the research project i'm doing for my English class on Teen Suicide. Since i'm in H.S. there's alot of talk about it since i go to one of those "bad" schools which is talked bout because of crimes. i'm glad you could make a web site about bill's situation. It can really help alot of people out there just like him. Thank you so much for this great story and i know that i have learned alot from it. ~Megan~

Name: kEan
Website:
Referred by: Viewing another Guestbook
From: half-way around the world, Malaysia
Time: 2000-04-24 06:35:07
Comments: I would like to congratulate you for all the hardworks you have done because they are paying off now... It's by accident that I come to this website tribute to a special person. He, was a unique person, and you, Gabi, is a great mom who raised him. I believed that you are proud to have this son, and I can assure that Bill felt the same way for you too. I swallowed my own tears when I was reading through Bill's life. Trying to understand the life of an amazing individual who is no longer with us. It's a great loss for the society but it's also a beginning of a whole new chapter for peoples' views towards gay comunities. I salute your contribution, and the support you and your family that had given to Bill. It's a pity that I wasn't able to meet this fantastic person with a heart. I will spread the words around my friends in order to let more and more people to learn about the loss of a great friend to the world, and son.

Name: Anthony Thompson
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Morehead, Ky
Time: 2000-04-23 14:45:15
Comments: Thank u for this story, I'm giving a speech on teen suicide and i plan to maybe use this story within my speech as an examply, the speech is hopefully going to persuade people to reach out to their friends or loved ones in hopes to prevent teen suicide

Name: Mari
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: Central Valley of California
Time: 2000-04-23 13:47:22
Comments: I would like to congratulate you and your husband for giving Bill all of your support when he needed it the most, it must have taken a lot of courage to go against the beliefs of "normal" people. Wish you the best of luck.

Name: leesa
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: australia
Time: 2000-04-23 03:22:21
Comments: This story made me understand this situation more. Im so sorry and shocked by the people of today. Thank u 4 sharing your story.Look 2 the future. love and smiles...leesa

Name: Jore
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: Florida
Time: 2000-04-20 21:19:57
Comments: I just searched the internet looking for articles on gay related hate crimes. I was a victim of several hate crimes at just the young age of twenty. However, due to my parent's religious beliefs I was unable to use them for support. It is so important for people to realize that being a lesbian is not a choice. I would not have chosen to recieve the ridule,harassment and degredation I have endured. It is a wonderful thing that you did by supporting your son, you should be commended on that! I came out to people when I was 16, but not until I was almost twenty to my parents. That information came out in a suicide note I had written to them. I attempted an overdose and landed in the hospital. I learned through therapy and support groups that there are ways to fight the hate. That is why I have personally taken on several projects combating hate crimes and also establishing safe places for gay/lesbian/bi-sexual youths to spend time. I want to thank you for placing this on the internet so that people can be aware of the severity of this problem. I wish you sincerest sympathy with the loss of your son. Love - Jo

Name: Y2KBoy
Website: Marc's World
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Jacksonville
Time: 2000-04-20 18:50:15
Comments: This is a great site. I'll be back for more. Hello to all the guys out there...Love ya!! Y2KBoy

Name: Patti C.
Referred by: Clicked on our Banner Advertisement
From: Wichita
Time: 2000-04-20 08:07:05
Comments: THIS IS TO THE PERSON WHO POSTED MESSAGE #32...I hope you check back on occasion and find this. I wrote Mrs. Clayton, and she said it would be fine if I wrote this to you. She is also concerned about you. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time with your family. I want you to know that there are people out here who love you, and accept you for who you are. I'm not a therapist, so I don't really know what to say. I'm a married mother of 2 small children. I have a gay cousin who is my best friend, and I know what he has gone through. I worry about him and his partner because of the hate crimes. If you would like to write me, I've included my e-mail address above. Like I said, I'm not a therapist, so I won't give you advice, but I can listen, and hopefully be a friend. I love you, I accept you, and if you die I will miss you.

Name: Emma Davies
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Paoli, Pennsylvania
Time: 2000-04-20 06:48:55
Comments: Im sorry for the loss of Bill. He sounded like a wonderful person, its hard to lose someone you dearly love over issues in other peoples heads. Good Luck..Im at school and running out of time.

Name: Natissja
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Malaysia
Time: 2000-04-20 06:37:57
Comments: hi...i'm a 14 year old lesbian who totally supports all of you.we lesbians/gays/bisexuals never chose to be who we are...but we are who we are and nothing can change that!! I have always wanted to confess to the world who i am but all those people out there just make it harder and they make the pain worse....why do they have to do that?can't they just let us be or do they have nothing better to do than just throw hate at us...hate should be thrown at the ones who murder..rob...steal...not us...what have we done to deserve this ? never have we hurt a fly in all our lives but they throw hate at us as if we're murderers...i ask all of you out there to help us....all we want is a chance to live a happy life like every one else...please just let us be...

Name: Keith
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Chicago IL
Time: 2000-04-20 00:16:49
Comments: God or whomever is out in the universe watching this drama play out sure has an interesting way to guide us. I came across your son's story by accident on a night that I was feeling ( I'm ashamed to say)hopeless. I am a Gay man & have recieved less than your loving response from my own family. I have more problems that are unrelated to my orientation, but I was feeling so down & alone largely because the rules don't allow for "my kind" & that is depressing. Depite my friends & boyfriend I was unsure how to move forward & also whether I should strive to move forward. I already try to accept ALL others as I wish to be accepted, but YOUR web page helped me value my existence a bit more & I appreciate that. You troubles are senseless & I hope that your words take root in the minds of young & old alike. My Sympathies. Love & Light Keith

Name: Daniel Cole
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Clayton,NC
Time: 2000-04-19 19:51:37
Comments: I think that this is a very touching story. i am gay myself and even though I have not been the victim of a hate crime, it is sufficient to say that the obscenities and obtrosities that my fellow gay, bi, and trans-gender brothers and sisters go through make me a victim as well. One would think that the world learned from the horrors of World War 2 (the Jewish Concentration Camps).I cannot believe that people would strive to fight for racial equality or for abolishing hate towards other things or people, but when it comes to homosexuality, then it seems as if they have lost the will to fight. If we can accept people being other colors and from other ethinic groups, then why can't we just accept homosexuals for what they are --- humans just like the rest? I read Marvel Comics and people fear the mutants in the comics. I know that marvel probably didn't intend it to be this way, but in the mutants I see homosexuals. People hate them because they are different; in the comic books there is a virus that is common to AIDS (first it only affected mutants, then it started affecting humans; AIDS was only in the gay community, then the "straight" community); and it seems like they have to dig deep for the strength to survive. Sure it is hard to cope every single day (sometimes I wonder where the strength to deal with another day is going to come from), but with the support of people like you and your family and others like you, we will survive. People may judge us, but they need to be reminded that the Bible says that God will judge the people the same way that people judge other people. It also says in the Bible that God gave His only begotten Son so that NO ONE who believes will perish in sin, but have everlasting life. God bless you and remember that memories, like hate, grow when allowed to be sown and allowed to grow.

Name: Iqbal Rana
Referred by: AOL
From:
Time: 2000-04-19 12:40:15
Comments: A real tragedy like yours truly moves me. I am gay,asian and so I am in a minority in both groups. I have suffered racial abuse from gay men as well as abuse from heterosexuals for being gay. I used to feel down because of my predicament. But I am now out and proud and if people do not accept me then that is their loss. I deeply admire anyone who tries to educate society into gaining a better understanding of people who are different from the norm, in whatever way! It is truly good work you do and I deeply admire you for it.

Name: Patti C.
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Wichita
Time: 2000-04-19 10:01:36
Comments: INCREDIBLE. SIMPLY INCREDIBLE.

Name: Joshua Llanas
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: milwaukee, wisconsin
Time: 2000-04-18 20:10:52
Comments: I would like to give my respects to you and your family. I was looking for information for a paper due in my english college course and I had stumbled upon your son's story. I had read the whole thing and by the end I was in tears. I can understand where your son was coming from because I was in the same situation by being bi-sexual and not having people except me for who I am. I got through it with the help of my family and my friends. There should be more people out there like you and your family in order to get the word out on the issue. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and I will keep you in my prayers. Sincerely, joshua llanas

Name: mick
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: brisbane qld austrailia
Time: 2000-04-18 10:48:13
Comments: hi i was very touched to hear bills story im a 29yo gay male and have been out for 1 year now and have been very lucky i have not faced the leval of hate that bill faced i my self was abused when i was younger and have tried to kill myself several times during my teen life but i was lucky enough that it never worked now im OUT LOUD AND PROUD of the fact that im gay my parents dont care and the friends that stuck by me are the ones that matter so if you are going through what i have been through then lissen to me there is a light at the end of the tunnel no mater how hard it is now it WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE YOU!!!!! find people that care and speak to them i am avable to speak to on my email CMICK79@HOTMAIL.COM dont hessitate talk to S O M E O N E N O W before its TO LATE !!! ok thanks

Name: ----------------------------------------------------
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From:
Time: 2000-04-18 06:02:30
Comments: I WAS JUST LOOKING UP HATE CRIMES FOR A REPORT IN SCHOOL, AND I CAME ACROSS YOUR SON'S STORY, I HAVE GAY AND BISEXUAL FRIENDS BUT I NEVER KNEW WHAT KIND OF DANGER THAT THEY FACE EVERYDAY..UNTIL I HAD READ "BILL'S STORY"....THANK YOU FOR BEING WHO YOU AREAND THANKYOU FOR RAISING A SON LIKE BILL.

Name: Unavailable for a reason.
Referred by: Net Search
From: Unlisted
Time: 2000-04-18 01:28:18
Comments: I read your story and am deeply saddened that this sort of thing happens to many a good people who are either gay or bisexual. I am gay myself and have not come out of the closet except to my family and theripist. I am suffering from depression as a result of an unstable family and their reaction to my secret. I've tried to commit suicide before and have ended up in hospitals once or twice. I hope my own eventual death at my own hands won't impact my family too much as I've sometimes gotten the feeling they really don't love me as a family member. I know that sounds bad to you but I've felt the same feelings Bill had towards the fear of hate crimes. It's not just hate crimes that bother me though, my family openly uses the "fg" word around me making me feel even worse. I've sought the help of my theripist and she had to actually save me from myself once. The next time, she may be too late. I give my best wishes to you all, and hope I might be able to move on and not dwell so much on suicidal thoughts. We'll see though.

Name: nicole fisher
Website: My shrine to *NSync
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: California
Time: 2000-04-17 22:37:19
Comments: Im really sorry for all the pain that your family has been through because I have alot of male gay friends and I endured a beating for protecting him because i knew him scince I was verry little were verry close i am 13 years and I know that hate crimes are wrong and this should have never occured he should have never been beaten and should have not been descriminated for his ways and should never been hurt like that and shouldent have to think death was his only way out because i've tryed suicide but for diffrent reasons it never worked thing havent improved but I try I pray for people who are subjected to vilonce for no reason I feel bad for your loss because Bill didnt have to die or think like that he was a bright person I wish that people will wake up and see what they do to people hate crimes aer wrong and we have a lack of tolerance in todays enviroment i came across this story because im doing a report on hate crimes for school and this is a perfect topic but no one should ever be subjected to any kind of hate crimes its stupid and wrong from nicole f.

Name: jay
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From:
Time: 2000-04-15 09:08:31
Comments: thank you for being able to share your story with the world! it takes a strong person to do that. my little brother died from an "acciedntal suicide" four years ago this past feb-- i am having trouble finding myself and becoming comfortable with the idea that i may be gay. i have been reading stories like yours for the past few days and i have come to the comclusion that i know that i will live threough this i know that my parents will be here for me when the time is right for me to come out. thank you for giving me more courage!! god be with you and your family again-- thank you

Name: George Daws
Website: Mythic Creatures
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Australia
Time: 2000-04-14 17:54:49
Comments: I am at a loss for words. I as a parent and a caring human being send you my sympathy. I have a web site and I have devoted a page to young gay suicide. I have placed a link to the StopTheHate page. May God be with you always. I appreciate the Love you both have for your Son. A better leagcy you could not leave. Thank You

Name: Miranda
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Alabama
Time: 2000-04-14 11:33:18
Comments: I read the story about your son. I want you to know that it touched me in a special way. I want you and your family to know that yall our in my prayers! I hope everything turns out the way you hope for it to! Love, Miranda S.

Name: Jim Bilbrey
Website: The Care Page
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Columbus, Indiana
Time: 2000-04-14 05:18:27
Comments: Hi Gabi!
Just stopped by to say hello, and to let you know that I am always sending good thoughts and prayers your way. May God shower you with the brightest and sweetest blessings.
Love and hugs,

Rev. Dr. Jim Bilbrey

Name: DONNA L BYTELL
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: WISCONSIN
Time: 2000-04-13 20:58:00
Comments: MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOURS AND MAY GOD TAKE THIS EVIL OUT OF PEOPLE AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE.HIGHLY UNLIKELY BUT WE CAN HOPE. YOUR SON IS AN, ANGEL NOW SO KEEP THAT CLOSE TO YOUR HEART. NO MORE PAIN AND SORROW WILL COME HIS WAY. MOST OF ALL NO MORE UNCALLED, FOR HARM WILL BE INFLICTED ON HIM. THANK GOD FOR THAT. YOURS TRULEY DONNA FROM WISCONSIN

Name: Eddie Johnson
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From:
Time: 2000-04-13 19:51:33
Comments: Dear Gabi,I've lost your e-mail do to some tech problems.please send it again if you could.would like to hear from you.thanks Eddie

Name: Sergio Cabezuela
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Texas
Time: 2000-04-13 18:11:43
Comments: A story about a boy who was destroyed by this uncivilized and corrupted society has left me with a sore heart, but to share the memories to everyone of Bill Clayton and his family. I'm a stranger to the Clayton's, but I would do my very best to keep Bill's spirit alive in our minds. I'm a gay 19 year old hispanic who lives in a small town. I keep myself in isolation from others who populate this town of 6K. It's hard trying to grow and surround your portal from hate crimes like those. Even if it just appears to be performed through verbal action, the pavement can be rougher than dirt and rocks. I keep my head up and stay in a state of ignorance in my town, because I only trust my family and a few friends who I really need in my life. I live my future with an occupation, and educational studies. I have a strong self-esteem and legitimate power when it comes to my sexuality. I will try to avoid from being ran over by the ungrateful others who think being gay is a sin that we all have to pay for, than being taken to death when it's our time. Let's all stick together and think about what one gay human being has to slip through in their world of chaos. Just because the residence a person lives in is bigger than Mars, it doesn't mean you can avoid having a cold shoulder. I'm here for you and your here for me. I may never see your face or listen to your voice, but I know that you are out there somewhere sharing this Earth like everyone else is. With love and hope for the gay community............Sergio Cabezuela aka SpazeDevize 

Name: carrie anderson
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: st.louis
Time: 2000-04-12 07:44:49
Comments: i'm really glad that i came across this... it really opened my eyes to the real world!\

Name: Roger Zender
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Bowling Green, OH
Time: 2000-04-12 06:38:40
Comments: I actually didn't just surf it, I read your story in the "Access Denied" packet put out by GLAAD. I thank you for sharing Bill's story. Roger

Name: Jasmin Tessier
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: California
Time: 2000-04-11 20:04:41
Comments: WOW.... THAT WAS A TOUCHING STORY. THAT REALLY BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. I NEVER KNEW PEOPLE FELT THAT STRONGLY ABOUT PEOPLES SEXUAL PREFRENCE. I KNOW HOW THAT GOES. BEING A MIXED FEMALE I GET ALOT OF RACIAL SLURS AND COMMENTS. I KNOW I HAVE TO BE STRONG. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THAT STORY IT HAS OPENED MY EYES IN SO MANY WAYS. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOU FAMILY. GOD BLESS YOU!!!AND MAY THE LORD BE WITH YOU EVERYDAY. SINCERLEY, JASMIN TESSIER

Name: Jono
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Australia
Time: 2000-04-11 10:01:45
Comments: Wow! What a moving and intense story- your son would have been my age now. He truely sounds like a guy after my own heart.... As it seems with many who reads Bill's story I feel a connection so strong it would seem uncanny. I will hold a stick and think good thoughts for Bill. And try not to cry.

Name: NANCY V. GORDON
Website: HOTBOT
Referred by: From a Friend
From: LONDON,ENGLAND
Time: 2000-04-10 19:29:02
Comments: WHEN I HEARD ABOUT YOUR STORY FROM MY SISTER I KNEW I HAD TO READ IT! THE WHOLE TIME I WAS READING IT I KEEP ON FEELING THE TEARS COMING, BUT I COULDN'T CRY BECAUSE I'M IN A PUBLIC PLACE. EVERYTIME I HEAR OR READ A STORY LIKE THIS I FEEL ASHAMED OF WHO I AM.THOUGH I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE. I AM BISEXUAL AND I HAVE NOT YET "COME OUT" I'VE TOLD A FEW PEOPLE, BUT NOW I'M SCARED IT WILL SPREAD. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO BILL HAPPENING TO ME! I AM QUITE YOUNG, AND STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. AFTER I READ THIS SITE I DID FEEL A BIT BETTER BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE LIKE YOU( NOT ALOT BUT THE NUMBERS WILL GROW). AND YOU WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE FUTURE AND MAKE MY "COMING OUT" A LOT MORE SAFE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR STORY WITH ME.

Name: Julie Gammon
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: New Hampshire
Time: 2000-04-10 18:45:18
Comments: I am very happy you decided to share this story. My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family. Don't stop trying. Things will change because of people like you.

Name: Eddie Johnson
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Brattleboro,vt.
Time: 2000-04-09 19:16:09
Comments: Thank you for sharing Bill's story.Growing up as a young gay man was sometimes a heavy burdon for myself.I was 18 when I realized it was not just a phase and I was gay.I tried my hardest to be straight forcing myself to have sex with women "because that would cure me". When I was 20 things got tough.All theses feeling I had bottled up since I don't know when began to surface.I don't remember exactly when it started but thoughts of suicide began seeping in.I remember I was hunting and was carrying a gun when thoughs feeling really started coming strong and I remember getting that sick to my stomach feeling.I thought how easy it would be to do it.I un loaded my gun and went home. Thoughs feeling lasted several months.I knew of no place to turn.Every day I'd awake with the same thought "Today?' I was a mess couldn't do anything without that dark cloud over my head. To make a long story short I looked with-in myself and helded on.I didn't talk to anyone,didn't know who or where to turn to so I managed to survive on my own. I know not everyone can do that.I got that strenght somewhere and did it.But had I known of some where to turn someone to talk to it would have really helped.I also know that that experience made me strong and proud of who I am,a gay man! Things maybe different 20 years later but ignorence and hate still remain in our society.But slowly we make tiny baby steps forward(VT.may allow gay unions soon).And I,ll be here to listen and help were I can. When I started this I never expected this to flow out.Thank you for listening!Bill will live on in my heart.

Name: Jose Lombo
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Colombia
Time: 2000-04-09 17:01:08
Comments: Well, I do not remember the name of the writer, but I could say that she is a heroe, as Bill was, and I understand what Bill had to live, because sometime I've tried to kill myself, some depressions are so hard...

Name: Phil Reynolds
Website: Phil Reynolds' Home Page
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Warwickshire, UK
Time: 2000-04-09 10:21:19
Comments: Bill's story is tragic and yet, I fear, there are all too many Bills out there. Reading about him makes me wish I could have known him personally, but at least through your wonderful pages I can sense something of his spirit. I wish you love and strength in your mission to turn your loss into something positive.

Name: John
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: England
Time: 2000-04-08 07:00:37
Comments: My heart goes out to you all, I can`t imagine what it is like to be the victim of a hate crime and I don`t pretend to know what it is like. I am bisexual but have come out to only one person who I trust with all the world. I don`t know what the future has in store for me and how it will all turn out, at the moment it feels very strange to know that someone else knows and that the protective veil of secrecy has been broken. I do know what your son felt and the feelings that come with having to hide everyday, the anger and the hate that you feel towards the world. It does get to you and yes depression comes as part of the package, it is something that if you let it, it will devour you. When people ask me am I gay this is what I tell them " I am me, no more no less "

Name: April
Referred by: NewsGroups
From: West Virginia
Time: 2000-04-04 07:19:35
Comments: I think that it is very sad what happened to your son, but he should not have been gay, or bi whatever he was. Thanks Always
-----

From Gabi
I replied to the above entry and found out that the person who wrote it was not the one whose e-mail address was left on the guestbook. I've removed that address, but I would like to share my reply:

Dear April

I thank you for your reply and sympathy. I agree with you that Bill should not have been beaten into unconsciousness -- not for any reason.

However, I do wonder how you can say "he should not have been gay, or bi whatever he was".

I do not believe that Bill choose his sexual orientation any more than I do or anyone does.

I don't know if you saw it, but Bill's last painting was of a man holding his arms up and the sun rising in a mountain scene. Bill had "Hold Back the Dawn" written below (based on a Robbie Robertson song he loved.)

Bill saw his world rising full of hate every day, because so many people didn't see him as a whole human being. They defined him by one part of who he was and slammed that box shut with him inside. He was suffocating and chose to leave the box the only way he could see as an option, since he could not separate the part of himself that was so hated and made him a target from the whole of his being.

I think we ALL have things we can relate to in that way. I know it has happened to me. How many times have you been boxed and judged based a label someone put on you -- not seen by someone as unique and not seen as a real whole person?

That's what happened to Bill. April, that's what you do with your words when you say "he should not have been gay, or bi whatever he was" -- except those kids here pounded that message into him physically.

Bill isn't here to hear it anymore, but others are. I really hope you will take a serious look at your attitude about this.

Name: amber gorton
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: australia
Time: 2000-04-04 04:50:01
Comments: sympathies go out to all.

Name: Keri Lewis
Referred by: Signing another Guestbook
From: Denver, Colorado
Time: 2000-04-03 15:47:53
Comments: Gabi, I am so saddened by your loss. Your family's story has touched my heart. I found this site through a visitor to my cousin's site. He killed himself almost 3 years ago. Although the emptiness never seems to go away for those of us left behind, I am sure that Bill is not feeling the hatred anymore. Bless you and your family for being brave enough to share your story.

Name: Tamzyn
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Sydney, Australia
Time: 2000-04-02 20:11:20
Comments: I am in tears as I write this. Your memorial to your son touched me in a way nothing else I have ever read did. I myself am an openly bisexual woman, and have been lucky enough to never face physical assult, though I have been verbally abused many times. My parents have been as supportive to me as you were to your son, and I thank you so much for telling your story. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Thank you.

Name: Rhonda K. Basham
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Central City, PA
Time: 2000-03-31 14:48:07
Comments: I am doing my Research Paper on "What makes people gay?" and the notation from Bill that it just is will be a part of my conclusion. Thanks for sharing. Rhonda

Name: Robert Oldham
Referred by: From a Friend
From: Dallas, Texas
Time: 2000-03-31 02:13:03
Comments: I am so sorry for the loss. It is sad that the world we live in has such animals that would commit violence on innocent people just because of their sexual orientation, color, belief or anything else for that matter. May God truly help us.

Name: Vikki Parkinson
Referred by: Yahoo!
From: Manchester England
Time: 2000-03-30 08:26:56
Comments: I read the story and was nearly in tears, I was researching because I am doing a speech on homophobia. Although I am not gay I have experienced homophobia as I am a fan of the Boyzone Singer Stephen Gately, who came out six months ago after living in fear and in the public eye for six years. I'd just like to say keep up the good work, maybe one day homophobiaism will be extinct.

Name: taneisha
Referred by: AOL
From: colorado
Time: 2000-03-29 22:01:33
Comments: I loved visiting this site. I have shared it with many of my friends. I will be visiting many more times.

Name: Josih Hostetler
Referred by: Just Surfed On In
From: Bremen, Indiana
Time: 2000-03-28 18:53:10
Comments: I found Bill's story inspiring. Thank you for sharing it. Josih

Name: Avalita Kaltenbach
Referred by: Yahoo!
From:
Time: 2000-03-27 12:13:19
Comments: I think that it is great that you are sharing this horible story. Hate crimes are one of the worst issues facing the country today. I would love to get more involved please let me know any thing I can do to help. -Avalita Kaltenbach

Name: Dami
Website: the internet world of damien666x@aol.com
Referred by: Net Search
From: Massachusetts
Time: 2000-03-26 14:21:07
Comments: Gaby - I just wanted to say that today was the first I had heard of your son's tragic story. I was on the "Stop The Hate" website - looking for an icon to link my site to that site. I chose the one which has your son on it. I then did an internet search and came up with your outline of his story - its tragic events. I am a youth counselor here in Massachusetts. One of the MANY different issues I deal with on a daily basis are these kids trying to come to terms not so much with who and/or what they are - but in how all of the hateful, ignorant, uncaring, evil people surrounding them react to them - to the misconceptions which they have of them. I just want you to know that as I was reading his story, I started crying. I don't cry often, nor do I cry easily. The same thing occured one day when I woke up on the couch and the news was on the TV when I did. They were talking about the Matthew Shepard case - specifically, that he had died. They then went into what had happened to him and I started crying uncontrolably. I guess that I just couldn't believe that something encompassing that level of hatred could occur in our supposedly "civilized" modern American society. At 41, I think that I have finally experienced enough to know that in MANY ways this country has become worse than it EVER was. You mentioned that Bill was into Paganism. The Christian religion - and I am Christian among many things, but I call a spade a spade - has done a lot in the way of unduly influencing society in many ways which I consider to be a VERY decidedly "unGodly." I won't elaborate - anyone with any kind of an education knows of the many things I mean. For openers, let's just say that I don't believe in burning people at the stake - no matter what I think they are. The God I believe in would never sanction any such type of behavior. And, of course, their preaching is the exact same source of the hatred against anyone of other than heterosexual orientation, certain skin colors, what have you ... Anyhow, my underlying point in mentioning that "Christian ethic" - is to conclude with this: Another of their assinine beliefs is that people who commit suicide go to "hell." I submit this for your consideration - in the first place, if "heaven" is filled with people like them, I for one would not WANT TO be accompanying them for eternity. Secondly, and more importantly - and this refers to the "pagan" belief system again - the ancient Norse (Viking) Code of the Warrior encompassed a belief system where it was an HONORABLE thing to take one's own life - to have that FREEDOM OF DECISION - to CHOOSE when one wanted to leave this world and move to the next. It doesn't make suicide a pretty thing for those who are left behind the person who has made this decision - and who has accomplished the task successfully. But perhaps it can put it into a different light. Your son sounds as if he was extremely intelligent and perceptive. I don't think - AT ALL - that his suicide meant he loved any of you who loved him ANY LESS. I think that he made a conscious decision to leave a world that he KNEW sucks (pardon my Portuguese) and that he was a BRAVE WARRIOR for doing so - not a snivveling coward. . You can BET ON IT that where he is now, he's saying, "Wow - look at all my Mom is doing - with this website - and political activism and all ..." You can BET ON IT that he's VERY proud of you, too. And there are no doubts in my mind that someday we do again join those who have left us - tragically or otherwise - whom we have loved so deeply in this thing we call life. In the "great sceme of things," one's ENTIRE life - even if one lives to be 100 years old - is but a blink of an eye, anyhow. I'd like to conclude with something which one of my university professors told us in class one night - a sociology/ criminology class entitled "Deviant Behavior." He was an older man who had grown up in Italy during the invasion of Mussolini - and all kinds of horrible stuff was going on. He said that in this country we have been conditioned to believe that death is such a horrible thing and that it's to be feared and avoided at all costs. We will do anything to keep someone alive - even if they are really sick and hospitalized and there's realistically no hope that their health is ever going to improve. He said that in Italy they gather the person's family and friends all around them - and that they actually "help" them die, honorably and peacefully. It's so ludacrist how we forbid euthanasia under the pretense that we are caring about the person, that we are helping them. Making someone linger on in suffering is not caring about them and helping them. I think the patient should be given the means and be granted the right to make the decision. Those we refer to as "suicides" are those who make this decision. Perhaps some are indeed cowards - they "cop out." But for the most part, I don't think so. For the most part, I think that maybe they have a lot more guts than the rest of us - and/ or a lot more TRUE FAITH that they KNOW there is something better beyond this - so why endure? I think that your son was a BRAVE warrior. He's a HERO. And now - at the LEAST for those who are interested in human rights - he is forever a martyr. My heart goes out to you and your family.