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coming out
Resources I am personally connected with and also local/Washington state ones are listed first, then national, international and internet-only ones.


Listen to: "The Closet"
by Steve Schalchlin - on
Beyond The Light (2002)


Listen to: "How I Feel" (3:16) on Some Folks (1998)
and "How I Feel Now"
(3:36) on Just As Sure (2004)
by Lisa Zeiler / Rebecca Riots

12 Things: Coming Out Late - by GuyDads, two gay men who have been together since 2002. "We were both married to women for around twenty years when we met and fell in love. We divorced our wives and moved in together. We each have three kids for a total of six that we share custody and support." - "There are a lot of stories about the trials and tribulations of young people coming out in their teens, 20s and even 30s. What is less talked about is coming out later in life, when one is in their 40s, 50s, 60s and older. We all have a unique timetable to deal with sexuality, self-acceptance and coming out issues. It is not uncommon to come out later in life but there are also many distinct and complex variables facing someone who does. For those of you thinking about coming out late in life or have recently done so, here are 12 suggestions ..."


100+ Resources for Coming Out of the Closet - a November 6th, 2008 article by Christina Laun, The Love Coach (Helping Nerds Date Since 2008). " If youve finally decided to come out to your friends and family, it can be a potentially nerve-racking and possibly awkward situation for all involved. Luckily, there are thousands of others whove gone through the experience before you who have some helpful advice and pointers on making it a happy and liberating experience. Here are 100+ resources weve put together to help you get the guidance you need to come out and start living life openly."
(Thank you for including Bill's story, Safe Schools Coalition, PFLAG, and so many others. GC)

Be Yourself: Questions and Answers for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Youth - from PFLAG (pdf format)

Coming Out to your Kids - from COLAGE - - educating and supporting people who are considering coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.

Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is - by Abigail Garner, published March 30, 2004 by Harper. What is it really like to grow up with gay parents? Abigail Garner was five years old when her mother and father divorced and her dad came out as gay.

Family Acceptance Project - a community research, intervention and education initiative to study the impact of family acceptance and rejection on the health, mental health and well-being of lesbian, gay and bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth. This project -- created by Caitlin Ryan with Rafael Daz, and Jorge Sanchez -- is designed to: 1) study parents' and families' reactions to an adolescent's coming out; 2) develop training and assessment materials for health, mental health, and school-based providers, child welfare and family service workers on working with LGB and queer youth (LGBQ) and families; 3) develop resources to strengthen families in supporting LGBQ adolescents; and 4) train health, mental health and school-based providers to use assessment resources and training materials to improve health outcomes and services for LGBQ youth and families. 

Fine By Me - began at Duke University in at a dinner conversation between friends gay and straight. They started Fine By Me because they believe it is easier for LGBT people to come out of the closet if their friends and allies publicly come out against homophobia too. In September 2008 Fine By Me became a project of Atticus Circle. The Gay? Fine By Me T-Shirt Project has been a success at high schools, colleges, businesses, churches, and in communities all across America.

The Fine Art Of Being Come Out To: A Straight Person's Guide to Gay Etiquette - and - Beyond Coming Out: Long-Term Strategies For Not Pissing Your Gay Friends Off by The Plaid Adder

How to Be an Ally to LGBT Individuals? - Bowling Green State University LGBTA-Q Resource Center.

HRC's National Coming Out Project - promotes honesty and openness about being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender on campus, in the workplace and in the community. This is an extension of the Human Rights Campaign's National Coming Out Day founded by activists who believed that GLBT people needed to be visible and that equality could not be achieved from the closet.  

Lead With Love - "What do I do if my child is gay?" This 35-minute documentary was created to help answer that question, to provide comfort, information, and guidance for parents who have recently learned that their son or daughter is lesbian, gay, or bisexual. The film follows four families as they share their honest reactions to hearing that their child is gay, including the intense emotions, fears, and questions that it raised. Interviews with psychologists, teachers, and clergy provide factual answers to parents' most commonly asked questions, as well as concrete guidance to help parents keep their children healthy and safe during this challenging time. While the film is not just about a religious response, one of my favorite quotes is at 14:30 when Bishop Yvette Flunder, City of Refuge, United Church of Christ said: "I think it is critically important that all Christians and all people of faith show thier love not by making access to God and to good exclusionary, but to seek to be inclusionary essentialy to make the table of the lord as we say in the Christian church available to everyone. And when we don't know exactly what to do, let's err on the side of putting more chairs at the table and making the table larger and longer and bigger until everyone has a place."

Lesbian Epiphanies: Women Coming Out in Later Life - by Karol L. Jensen, MPH, PhD, published in 1999 by Routledge. Exploring identity development and gender orientation, this book contains firsthand information about the experiences and difficulties of women who discover and reveal their newfound lesbian sexuality in later life. Psychologists, social workers, counselors, and professors will find that Lesbian Epiphanies is the first book to extensively quote from interviews of lesbians and bisexuals who had entered into heterosexual marriages.

Should You Come Out to Your Parents? Coming Out to Your Parents? Caution...Dangerous Curves Ahead. Published March 12, 2011 by Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D., LCSW in Psychology Today's Gay and Lesbian Well-Being section. "Covering issues vital to the psychological health and happiness of gays, lesbians, and their families." - "Coming Out Isn't Enough" - Join the Impact partnered with other national LGBT groups to develop this web based public education campaign to encourage LGBT people and their supporters to have three conversations with friends and family to help build support for LGBT equality. There are resources for those who want to learn more about the issues affecting LGBT people but the website notes that the most important thing is for people to have personal conversations. The website encourages LGBT people to talk about their relationships, about growing up, and about how being LGBT has made them feel different from others in some respects and the same in others. Visitors to the website can find information on who to talk with and how to start these important conversations.

Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up With Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents - by Noelle Howey and Ellen Jean Samuels. Published 2000 by St. Martin's Press. ISBN 0-312-24489-4. This collection of essays is an anthology of stories by the grown children of lesbian, gay, and transgender parents. Ranging from humorous to poignant, the essays touch on some of the most important and complicated issues facing them: dealing with a parent's sexual orientation and gendrer identity while developing an identity of their own; overcoming homophobia at school and at family or social gatherings; and defining the modern family. Foreword by Margarethe Cammermeyer, Ph.D., author of Serving in Silence, and preface by columnist and author Dan Savage. Out of the Ordinary also includes a resource guide. See sample chapters here. More information on Powells bookstore (Portland, OR) 

Thoughts on a Father's Coming Out to His Children  by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D. (founder of the Straight Spouse Network  

Transition Tips for Parents - from COLAGE - Advice for parents undergoing a gender transition.


2003-2012 Gabi Clayton


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